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When Your Husband Is A Porn Addict

Esther Simpson

Odilia - published on 05/28/14


12. Take care of yourself. You owe it to yourself, your husband, and your children. Get a physical if you haven’t had one in over a year or if you’re experiencing significant health changes. A real physical, not just your regular visit to your ob-gyn. Exercise. It will help to clear your brain, it may even help you pray. Eat well. Do good things to make you feel good and be strong – for yourself, your children, and even for your husband.

13. Don’t make any decisions about the marriage unless you need a legal separation to protect yourself financially or you need separate residences to protect yourself and your children. As you begin to recover from this horrible situation, you will get to the point where you see clearly what your next steps should be. You’ll know because you’ll have peace about your decision even if it’s scary.

Next, here are some practical spiritual suggestions.

Generally, a spouse who has been wounded so deeply finds themselves wondering where is God in all of this. “If God is Love, why am I alone and unloved? Why doesn’t God care enough about me?” Betrayal can cause us to harden our hearts, not just towards the person who has betrayed us, but towards ourselves and God.

Here’s the thing, God does care about you. He loves you deeply even if you’re not feeling the love right now. The fact that you realize this situation is so very wrong is a sign that God is beside you, confirming that you are worth more, that you should be loved, that you are loved. Without God beside you, you would not have the confidence to shake your fist (or scream) at your spouse, the world, and God himself. Keep asking these questions. Demand answers. They will bring you closer to God. You will experience his love as you grow in the certainty that your husband’s failures do not reflect on your self worth and dignity. They simply reflect his very, very sad state. Ask God for consolations. He will give them to you. They may be random. They may be obvious. Go to confession often, at least every two weeks, if not more frequently.

You need the grace to heal your justified anger. You need the grace to pick you up when you feel so low that nothing matters. That grace is there. It’s yours for the taking. Take it, use it, run with it. All of this has robbed you of your peace. Let God restore it. If you can, get a good spiritual director. When you find yourself in a situation where you are losing your peace notice two things:

1. Losing your inner peace is a sign that deep down you do know that things should be better.

2. But as soon as you start to lose your peace, do whatever it takes to stop the process. It might take all of your energy and strength or it might be surprisingly simple. You will not be able to know that you are loved if you have no peace within. That’s precisely why the devil likes you to lose your peace because then you lose your grasp of reality. Unfortunately, he’s probably working hand in hand with your poor husband to make you question everything you know about reality, but especially the reality that you are loved deeply and passionately by God, regardless of your husband’s failings. Regardless of your own failings.

Go to Mass whenever you can. You are being crucified which means you have so much to offer in the sacrifice of the Mass. If you have small children, take advice from the mommy bloggers, let other people be bothered by them. Don’t let that be what keeps you from going to Mass where you so desperately need to be.

For the sex addict:

You need to decide to get serious and stop the behavior. [Here I’m assuming the addict is the husband, as in the case of the letter above, since that is the case in the majority of sex addiction; but that is changing. The addict could easily be the wife.]

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AddictionPornography
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