The pros and cons of offering sacramental marriage to cohabiters living in an uncatechized culture.
We can set aside the question of whether a couple may be admitted to sacramental marriage if they are cohabiting. The answer is plainly yes, since no law impedes such a marriage (Code of Canon Law, cc. 1073–1094).
The interesting question is really whether they should be married if cohabiting. And this is a pastoral matter with fairly compelling reasons on each side.
Consider first the case against admitting cohabiting couples to marriage. This case rests on the idea that cohabiting couples, by definition, do not understand the nature of marriage. In the extreme, this argument might even be taken to augur against validity itself.
A Catholic philosopher and friend of mine put it thus: “I wonder if a canon law argument couldn’t be mounted, or more precisely an argument against validity, in this way:
You cannot be validly married if you do not recognize the commitment to be unqualified.
2. You cannot recognize the commitment to be unqualified, if you do not think sexual relations are under the law of God.
3. If you are cohabiting, you cannot view sexual relations as under the law of God.
4. It is difficult to believe that a single act (e.g., a marriage vow) changes the intention and beliefs of someone who has lived in a certain way for a long time.”
In other words, by their very history, cohabiters undermine the requirements needed to contract a valid marriage. Such marriages might even be ipso facto annullable.
So what is the possible case in favor of admitting cohabiting couples to marriage? The argument here rests on three ideas:
1. Marriage is a natural institution toward which people in every culture incline in some way (by forming of domestic unions, for example).
2. Because they incline to it naturally, preventing them from regularizing domestic arrangements would place unreasonable burdens on people.
3. The marriage of those who wish to make a proper marriage vow—however they arrived at such a wish—can be understood as a step on the path to full conversion, and not as the reward for conversion already attained.
Media coverage of the Vatican ceremony quoted one of the grooms as saying, “When we discovered that it was happening, that it wasn’t a dream—well, it transformed us.”
Convert and Catholic author Calah Alexander expressed a similar experience in a recent post here:
So, which pastoral course is best? Suppose that we are faced with a Christian culture in which people know—they feel and have understood—what marriage is, then the right course may indeed involve calling couples to reform, to pray and to study before considering marriage. And I believe there are some communities today, such as the one in which I was raised, where this description still rings true. As a young child I was blessed to know a great many families living God’s call to marriage and family life faithfully and fruitfully.
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