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8 Ways to Avoid Divorce and Build a Better Marriage


Aquilino Polaino-Lorente - published on 04/22/15 - updated on 06/08/17

Are these open secrets or hidden truths?

1. Communicating with your spouse is an essential element of prevention. What is not communicated is not shared. What is not shared creates separation. What separates leads to unbridgeable distances. And distances destroy unity. What breaks down unity ends up extinguishing and dissolving any relationship, until each of the spouses becomes a stranger for the other.

Silence and lack of communication are the greatest enemies of marriages. It is compelling that 82% of married Spanish women consider the lack of communication in marriage as the most frequent and most important problem for couples.

2. Respect and admire each other. Respect and admiration are also fundamental means of resistance against marriage conflicts. For a conflict to develop between the spouses, they must necessarily lose their admiration for each other.

When mutual admiration is extinguished, the loss of respect – at the beginning only in words and gestures – is near.
This initial loss of verbal respect sometimes carries over – all it takes is for a spouse to be more irritable than usual, or to "lose control" for a moment – into lack of physical respect; or, in plain English, into domestic violence.

It is very difficult for a couple to experience a crisis if they not only maintain their mutual admiration and respect, but increase it as the years go by.

3. Don’t shy away from difficulties or insist on differences. In order to try and solve problems, the first thing you have to do is identify them and deal with them then and there. 

If difficulties are silenced and put on the back burner, what was small will growand what was of little importance at first ends up exploding and triggering a crisis.

Sharing each other’s lives largely consists in learning to solve the little problems of each day successfully together.
The differences between men and women are indelible and unchangeable; it is not constructive to go back to them over and over again.

The differences that make each spouse unique are there for a noble purpose: they complement and enrich each other and help each other grow.

Respect for those unchangeable differences is an excellent opportunity for both to get to know themselves better.

4. It is essential to devote time, patience and tenderness to the other spouse. Love demands time, attention and dedication.

Whoever doesn’t pay attention, doesn’t understand. Those who are always in a rush don’t notice the situation of the other person, for the simple reason that they move through their shared space without allowing themselves to be impacted or affected by their spouse’s presence.

People who love each other must exercise the necessary patience, at least as much patience as is needed to raise and give a good education to a small child.

 If the above conditions are met, tenderness will grow and spread into the other spouse’s heart.Then, and only then, all the complaints about whether or not they have told each other that they love each other, or whether or not they admire each other, will cease, because tenderness is the objective demonstration of that love, a silent declaration more powerful than any words, which almost never goes undetected.

5Strive to lead a full and active sex life. Sexual relations are necessary in a couple’s life. They are not, of course, the most important thing, but they are one of the first conditions that define the couple and that must be satisfied.

Sexuality may – and, in fact, usually does – require a certain amount of effort, above all if – as ought to be the case in a marriage – each of the spouses forgets about him or herself and only thinks about fully satisfying the other.

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