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A Simple Plan for Winning Back the Culture After the Same-Sex Marriage Decision

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Dale O’Leary - published on 07/13/15 - updated on 06/08/17

Envisioning a positive future after the Obergefell case

Now that the Supreme Court has ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges that no state may deny a marriage license to two members of the same sex, those who have been fighting in defense of natural marriage are asking, "Where do we go from here?"

I offer some suggestions:

1. First, it is necessary to confront the Sexual Revolutionaries and their promotion of Utilitarian ethics. Pope St. John Paul II in the book Love and Responsibility demonstrates how Utilitarianism encourages people to use other human beings as objects. While the LGBT may want real love, following such an ideology prevents them from making a total gift of self which is at the heart of the marital union. Unfortunately, our task is made difficult because many, who have no same sex attractions (SSA), have also adopted Utilitarian sexual ethics.

True marriage is not just one man, one woman. It is also for better, or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, in health, forsaking all others, till death do us part. When two people marry, they put everything on the line, their hearts, their lives, their futures, their fortunes. They are obliged to honor their vows, to be faithful to their spouse and children. Persons with SSA, having observed the ways marriage has already been betrayed by utilitarian ethics, see no reason why its definition should not be changed to accommodate their desires.

2. Freedom of religion and freedom of speech must be defended. Many legal defense groups have already taken up the cases of those who refuse to violate their faith. They need our support, since these court cases are very expensive. Legislation to protect these rights should be broad enough to include the rights of artists and craftsmen, the right to receive counseling for SSA, the right to speak prophetically, the right to share their opinions without fear of being fined or fired, and some way to mitigate the enormous costs incurred for defending one’s freedom of religion.

3. Prayer, fasting, repentance, and reparation. Individually and in our churches, we need to pray for people with SSA and gender identity disorder (GID), for their children, and their parents. They have suffered. While they insist that they don’t need our prayers, we must pray for them anyway. Parents of persons with SSA often feel totally deserted by the Church and need support. Christians are called to love their enemies and pray for those who persecute them. The gay activists, in particular the Southern Poverty Law Center, have made it clear that they wish to silence us. Therefore, even as we defend ourselves against their slanders and attacks, we are obliged to forgive them and pray for them. We need to personally repent if we have used ugly and demeaning language. We must make reparation for the sins of our country, following the example of the three young men thrown into the fiery furnace who repented for the sins of their nation (Daniel 3).

While sexual acts are acceptable only between a husband and wife, we are not called to bring condemnation, but hope. The friends of the LGBT have taken away all their hope and encouraged them to surrender. While we cannot know the extent of their bondage, what they have suffered or how they struggled, we know that God does not ask the impossible. We are not their judges. Studies reveal that as many as 40% of the LGBT have been victims of sexual abuse, which can make healing difficult. We should not assume that everyone who self-identifies as LGBT is sexually active. In the first century, St. Paul warned the Romans believers that even though they saw evil all around them, including homosexual acts, they were not to judge, but to repent of their own sins. We cannot quote Romans 1 without applying Romans 2 to ourselves.

We must face down the charge of homophobia and show by our actions that we love them more than their friends do, because we want what is best for them and their children. The best is the freedom of a forgiven child of God.

4. Support groups. In spite of the fact that gay activists insist that they don’t need therapy, we must be there for those who want help. In every community there should be support groups and therapists to help those who experience SSA and GID to live chastity according to their state in life. For example, we can support current initiatives, such as an upcoming conference sponsored by Courage and Janet Smith, entitled “Welcoming and Accompanying Our Brothers and Sisters With Same-Sex Attraction,” which will be held in Plymouth, Michigan, Aug. 10-12. More work must be done to improve therapy for the prevention and treatment of SSA. The parents of persons with SSA and GID also need support.

The redefinition of marriage will encourage more same-sex couples to acquire children through artificial insemination donor (AID), surrogate mothering, or adoption. The children will be permanently and premeditatedly denied their right to a father and a mother. And what is worse, they will be denied their right to mourn their loss. Many children grow up separated from one or both biological parents, but they are allowed to grieve. Adults conceived by AID are already forming support groups and demanding the names of their sperm donor fathers. The children of same-sex couples know they have been deprived of something essential, but will be told that their family’s choice to so deprive them was "heroic." We need to be ready to comfort the adult children of same-sex couples, who are torn between love for the people who raised them and anger at being denied a parent of both sexes by those same people.

5. We need to know and speak the truth about SSA and GID. We have talked about the importance of man/woman marriage and the father/mother family, but if, as we insist, marriage is so important, some ask why should one group be denied its benefits? The public is compassionate. People feel sorry for the LGBT. In spite of the evidence to the contrary, they believe that the LGBT were born that way; can’t change; are in every way, except the person they love, just like the "straight" population; and their children are in every way equal to children who grow up with their married father and mother. We have failed to convince the public, including many of our friends, that none of this is true. The cause for SSA and GID matters. There is absolutely no evidence that SSA and GID are genetically predetermined and unchangeable, and substantial evidence that early experiences play a significant part. It is even more obvious that transgender desires are a sign of a psychological disorder. Prevention, spontaneous change, and healing are possible.

Study after study has shown that self-identified LGBT persons are more likely than the general public to have other psychological disorders, to be depressed, to have suicidal ideation, to suffer from substance abuse and use illegal drugs, and men who have sex with men are far more likely to become infected with STDs, including HIV/AIDS. The entertainment industry has portrayed same-sex couples as happy, stable, faithful, loving, better that the dysfunctional traditional husband and wife. This is a fantasy. Same-sex couples are unstable. Among male couples, infidelity is the norm, not the exception. Children raised by same-sex couples are negatively affected. Same-sex couples love their children and there is nothing more painful than to see your children suffer. Most of them will deny that they are responsible for their children’s suffering, they will look for someone to blame, and it will be us. These are wounded, troubled persons. Redefining marriage will not heal them.

Convincing the public that they have been sold lies will not be easy, because the gay activists call the truth “homophobic hate speech” and want to make it a crime. We may need legislation to protect our right to speak the truth.

While redefining marriage will hurt society, the primary victims will be the LGBT community itself and their children. The redefinition of marriage will not solve their problems. They may sincerely believe that total acceptance will finally heal their wounds and they will no longer feel different. All it will do is remove their excuse for self-destructive behaviors.

None of these simple suggestions are novelties; rather, this is a call to be true to who we are—children of a loving and merciful God. It is a plan designed to change hearts and minds. There are already people working in all these areas. We just need to persevere and support one another. The tragic marriage decision may serve as a wake-up call to our brothers and sisters who have for too long seen this as someone else’s problem.

Dale O’Leary is a freelance writer, author ofThe Gender Agenda: Redefining Equality(which is available in Spanish and Italian) and One Man, One WomanShe writes for numerous publications and has spoken around the world. 

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