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Is Attraction Irrelevant in Christian Dating?


Kirsten Andersen - published on 07/23/15

I’m reminded of one poignant sketch on an episode of FX’s Louie, in which a character named Vanessa takes the very average-looking Louis C.K. to task for writing her off as undateable because she’s overweight.  He protests, telling her "you’re a really very beautiful …" before she cuts him off and states the truth in no uncertain terms:

"Come on. If I was a ‘very really beautiful’ then you would have said yes when I asked you out. I mean, come on, Louie, be honest here. You know what’s funny? I flirt with guys all the time. And I mean, the great looking ones, like the really high caliber studs? They flirt right back. No problem. Because they know their status will never be questioned. But guys like you never flirt with me because you get scared that maybe you should be with a girl like me. And why not?!"

"You know, if you were standing over there looking at us, you know what you’d see?  That we totally match.  We’re actually a great couple together.  And yet, you would never date a girl like me."

C.K.’s "Louie" again protests, at which point Vanessa again calls him out, this time with much saltier language.  She makes it unequivocally clear that having sex with a girl he finds unattractive is not at all the same thing as being proud to hold her hand in public.  For Vanessa, "feeling attractive, feeling loved, having guys chase after us …" is one of "the basics of human happiness."  

Something tells me Vanessa wouldn’t marry a man who had to don goggles of any kind to find her beautiful – even "Holy Spirit goggles."

The bottom line is, it’s okay to pursue people you find attractive.  God made us that way; we’re meant to be hot for the person we marry.  That’s how new life is created, after all.  The key to finding the right kind of person beautiful isn’t to put on "Holy Spirit goggles."  The trick is to lose the goggles altogether.

Are the Holy Spirit’s goggles better than Budweiser’s?  Of course.  But better than either of those are the eyes and soul God lovingly crafted just for you.  We all have different tastes, and that’s by design.  So maybe the important thing is to ignore the "tastemakers" and trust our own instincts … along with a gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit – no goggles necessary.

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