Well, God is good, but we have to work through our wounds. Conversion isn’t a free pass that destroys patterns of bad behavior. I figured this out when my new husband and I began fighting and I began to act the same way with him as I did with my ex. It was as if I could stand outside myself and see it all happening. I went in search of a Catholic therapist to help.
Not only did she guide me in facing the things that caused me to act out in such anger, she began to help my youngest three children heal from the years of dysfunction. My oldest son, however, wasn’t so lucky. By the time I started counseling, he was 21 and out of the house raising his own family, trying to break the cycle on his own.
I have learned a lot about my children’s perspectives. It hasn’t been easy to hear the younger ones talk in therapy, or to read my oldest son’s writing about their interpretations of what was happening when they were little. Looking back from within my own healing, I see all the places where I failed to be the best mother, wife and stepmother and how it has impacted the lives of these seven children, and now their own children. We have to take responsibility for ourselves and break the cycle — stop flicking the dominoes. Not doing that makes us responsible for the pain of our children as they become adults and parents themselves.
God is good. Because that is true, there is help out there.