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Have you tried Nicole Kidman’s secret to a happy marriage?

NICOLE KIDMAN AND KEITH URBAN
AFP
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She and husband Keith Urban swear they've never done one thing ... and it's made all the difference.

Having just celebrated her 12th anniversary with her husband Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman revealed in an interview with Parade that the secret to their 12 happy years is the way they communicate. Many a married couple will tell you this, but for Kidman and Urban this commitment to communication takes a unique expression.

“We’ve never texted,” Kidman said in the interview. “That is so not our relationship.” Preferring “voice-to-voice or skin-to-skin” communication, the couple enacted the no-texting policy in 2005 due to the practical issue that neither of them knew how to text. Now, however, Kidman says the choice has been beneficial to their relationship as a couple.

Text messages are often not the most reliable indicators of what another person is trying to communicate due to the lack of nuance. Kidman explained, “I’ve had the thing where I reread texts and I’m like ‘What does that mean?’ and then read it somebody and go ‘Can you interpret that?’ I don’t want that between my lover and I.”

Texting has rapidly changed the way in which we communicate with our friends, spouses, and family members. Social psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato notes the “psychological distance” created by favoring texting, a distance that can be either good or bad. She says, “The distance that texting offers may make it easier to say what one may not wish to say in person.”

Whether you and your spouse choose to text or not, DiDonato advises that “having clear rules or norms for how texting will occur may prevent some of the frustrations that technology can introduce into the mix.”

If you find that certain modes of communication are often a source of confusion, anxiety, or frustration for you and your significant other, then you might revisit this advice and consider setting some new boundaries around how technology will be used in your relationship.

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