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How to avoid sabotaging yourself

SAD WOMAN

Eldar Nurkovic I Shutterstock

Mathilde De Robien - published on 07/21/18

What if your failures in life weren't inevitable?

Nothing ever happens as planned. I’m having a bad time. I must have a problem. We sometimes lament when we are disillusioned and depressed by too many failures in a row. But what if we are really sabotaging ourselves? What if the setbacks were only the result of fear of the unknown and a lack of self-confidence?

Self-sabotage is a destructive approach that consists of refusing any opportunity to succeed in something you try to do. In other words, you are forbidding yourself from succeeding in our life, for more or less conscious reasons.

This is why, for example, a person might repeatedly cancel or arrive systematically late for job interviews for what would be their dream job. In cases like this, a problem such as parents’ disapproval of career plans could be impacting the person’s attitude.

The same can be true in relationships, which can be equally impacted by self-destructive behavior. Some people get involved with someone they really like, but then suddenly panic and end their relationships quickly, even though they would like to get married one day. This could be due to them having deep doubts about their own ability to commit; they’d rather cut the relationship off before going too far and causing themselves and their potential spouse greater suffering.

How to cure it?

Self-sabotage is tangible proof of lack of self-confidence. Because we are deeply convinced that we are doomed to fail, we condition ourselves to fail. The first necessary step is to stop being our own enemy, to identify the moments when we make things go wrong.

Then, it’s about understanding why … Am I afraid of the judgments of others? Do I have doubts about my abilities? Do I really want to do this? What’s my ideal in life?

The answers to these questions sometimes require us to push out of our comfort zone. Clarifying them, even putting them in writing, often makes it possible to avoid self-sabotage because the decision is then carefully considered. Rather than ruminating alone in a corner, we should open up to a person of confidence and dare to voice our doubts and questions. Expressing them can loosen their hold on us and enable us to move forward a little more serenely.


FRUSTRATION

Read more:
4 Steps to overcoming insecurity

Tags:
PsychologyRelationshipsWork
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