Difficulties and failures affect us, but if we have a sincere belief in our own value, they will not destroy us.
Healthy self-esteem is based on the belief that you are good enough as we are. If you have self-esteem, you can assess yourself realistically — seeing your difficulties, shortcomings, mistakes, etc. — while still appreciating yourself and thinking well of yourself. A person with healthy self-esteem doesn’t feel that they are better or worse than others. They are satisfied with themselves, but also humble because they know how much they still have to learn.
Childhood, our foundation
Self-esteem is shaped by a child’s relationship with his parents from birth. Most parents try to take care of their child and his needs. Unfortunately, sometimes life circumstances such as illness, external difficulties, lack of empathic care for the child, parents’ own shortcomings or the influence of those around, cause a child’s self-esteem to be shaky. Although the child receives the basic care, his sense of the value depends on how successful he is at something. It is stronger when a child succeeds in doing something well, and all but disappears when he fails.
This way of experiencing yourself and responding to circumstances, if not noticed early enough and modified (it is possible), continues in adulthood and makes us feel valuable and satisfied only when things go our way. On the other hand, when something in life goes wrong — we lose our job (or position), someone close to us rejects us or causes us a lot of pain or even betrays us, or friends and acquaintances are busy with their own issues, etc., we stop to see and feel our own worth. And because nothing in life is “forever,” we are regularly exposed to changes and frustrations, bigger or smaller, that affect our self-esteem. If we are very dependent on external factors to build up our value, any — even minor — failure affects it very much. Of course, our difficulties or failures affect us, but if we have a sincere belief in our own value, then they will not destroy our self-esteem.
How to build self-esteem?
Healthy self-gives us the courage to try difficult things and make every effort to succeed. And if we fail, we change strategies, we look for new opportunities, and trusting in our own strength, we try again.
Self-esteem can be rebuilt or strengthened in adulthood. And it’s worth doing, especially when we think It’s too late for change …There’s no point doing anything … I will not be able to do it anyway … I can’t be bothered to deal with myself. Our weakened sense of self-esteem can be slowly rebuilt when we have a healthy environment like a new family, work, or community. The most advanced way to rebuild your self-esteem is psychotherapy (most often long-term), but there are also other ways to help raise our sense of worth.
The most critical qualities needed is perseverance and regularity, which are not popular in today’s world; impulsiveness and transiency are usually promoted instead. However, in the case of rebuilding or strengthening our self-esteem, regularity and repetition are needed. Our brain needs to form new patterns, repeating them, changing habits, and strengthening new ones.
Here are a few ways to do that …
1. Set yourself a “reminder” on your phone and practice each of these points every day at the same time. You can note your achievements every day, modifying some of the points, adapting to current needs. Check how you’re doing, appreciate the effects and efforts you put into working on yourself. Ask your family, friends, acquaintances if they see any change.