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Which of these 6 things do you base your self-worth on? 


Marina Vitale | Unsplash CC0

Cecilia Pigg - published on 11/05/19

Don't fall into these common traps!

Having a sense of your own worth is crucial in pretty much all of life—but it’s especially vital when it comes to relationships. If you’re single and doubt your worth, your relationships will reflect that. If you’re married or in a serious relationship, your sense of worth will help make or break that relationship.

The following are traps each of us can fall into, thinking that if we’re just more attractive, more entertaining, more successful, or whatever, we can make ourselves worthy of someone else’s love. So which ones do you tend to fall for? Then read on to discover a simple exercise to be free of them …

1How attractive you are

Do you think you’re too curvy? Not curvy enough? Too short? Too tall?Striving to feel confident and beautiful is a good thing, and might require you to find clothes that fit well, a haircut or hairstyle that is flattering, and a new skincare or makeup routine. But, after you’ve taken a few steps to feel better about yourself, call it a day. If someone is only attracted to you because of what you look like, that’s not going to be a fulfilling relationship. There’s a lot more to you than how you look.

2How successful or popular you are

How much money do you make? How many followers do you have? How many friends do you have? If you have kids, how well-behaved and well-adjusted are they? Success isn’t a bad thing, but there’s no guarantee it will last. And being popular and well-liked is great, but only having a few friends doesn’t make you less desirable than someone who is the life of the party. 

3How healthy you are

Do you eat the right foods and work out the right amount? How many and what kind of supplements do you take? Do you have a mental or chronic illness that you think will weigh down a relationship? Our health is not something we can always control as much as we would like. And sickness, while frustrating, does not have to dictate your enjoyment of life or your relationships.

4How intelligent you are

Did you get enough education after high school? Do you read the right books and websites? How well can you discuss current events? Are you interesting enough and have you had enough unique life experiences? Your skill in conversation or your knowledge and wit in arguments are blessings, but you are more than your intellectual abilities.

5How productive you are

How much do you have going on/how busy are you? Are you good at multi-tasking? Do you accomplish enough every day? Accomplishing more in your waking hours does not make your inherent dignity skyrocket. In fact, your inherent dignity stays the same whether you are in a coma or running three companies and putting dinner on the table.

6How many people you please

Do your coworkers like you? And your in-laws? And your neighbors? And your dentist? And that person you just passed randomly on the street? At some point, you’ll be stretched too thin if you’re constantly trying to please everyone. That will be detrimental to a relationship if you can’t prioritize the person you’re dating seriously/engaged to/married to.  


It’s not bad to be attractive, successful, healthy, intelligent, productive, and well-liked. But it’s detrimental to be so focused on one or two or these aspects of yourself that you base who you are on them, and only imagine that you are worthy as a person when you are more of them. A supermodel or NFL quarterback who has a high IQ, makes a ton of money, and is in perfect health is no more or less deserving of love than you are. Should you strive to be a better person? Always. But “better person” doesn’t mean holding yourself to superficial standards that arbitrarily make you “worthier” or “less worthy” of love. 

And there’s an antidote if you realize you don’t feel worthy enough for love. Look at a crucifix. Reflect on our savior Jesus Christ hanging there. He died for you and me, regardless of how many issues we have, real or imagined. Love is a gift, and who better to learn from then Love Himself? Find your worth and dignity in Him. And then you’ll have the confidence and freedom to love others with confidence.


Read more:
How to make sure this annoying first date habit doesn’t ruin all your relationships 


Read more:
5 Ways to encourage self-confidence in your kids

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