Aleteia logoAleteia logo
Wednesday 20 October |
Saint of the Day: St. Paul of the Cross
Aleteia logo
home iconLifestyle
line break icon

Why you need to ignore your kids more — especially this summer


Mama Belle and the kids | Shutterstock

Sarah Robsdottir - published on 06/19/20

The same way hunger can inspire a picky eater, boredom can lead to meaningful activity.

I worked in a Montessori School for a while in which the director’s mantra was: “Create a learning environment – then get out of the way!”

Our day-to-day schedule was based on the devout Catholic educator Dr. Maria Montessori’s teaching methods, which she cultivated (in a teensy-tiny nutshell) because she recognized the inherent genius in every child, but also because she was one lady in charge of a whole lot of students (often 50 or 60 at a time).

Montessori — a daily communicant who included prayer in the school day — honed her craft at the turn of the 20th century in Italy by creating a kid-friendly classroom full of colorful blocks, counting beads, and rotating stations in which the students learned from her, but also – most importantly – from one another. Montessori’s research led her to work with children from a wide variety of cognitive abilities and socioeconomic backgrounds. Her ground-breaking methods (still practiced in schools bearing her name all over the world today) champion the “intrinsic intelligence present in all children.”

It was in this loving, intellectually rich environment that I first discovered the importance of totallyignoring children. Sure, make sure they’re fed and safe, but then drop a pile of colored pencils and blank paper on the kitchen table and walk away. Or unload a fresh mountain of garage sale books in a strange spot on the floor – like the entry way or all over the couch – then hide. And don’t forget a cup of coffee and your own novel.

Let me be clear, I’m not talking about neglecting your children. Just backing off from the one-parent clown act that wasn’t part of the deal anyway. Let your kids be bored. It’s amazing what a little healthy boredom will lead to. The same way true hunger often motivates even the pickiest eater to finally grab a carrot, boredom may lead your kid taking a walk in the backyard. He may have to meander a while (so don’t interrupt). He’ll find a giant rock and jump off it a few times. Then tip it over. And a whole world of pink, squiggly worms will be waiting just for him, ready to fuel his wonder. But not if you squelch his journey ahead of time with a scrambled together play date, or a TV show, or another craft.

Seriously, eject out of your helicopter already. Also, you deserve that cup of coffee.

“The greatest sign of success for a teacher [or a parent] is to be able to say, ‘The children are now working as if I didn’t exist.’”

That’s one of my favorite Maria Montessori quotes, and I don’t know about you but after 1,000 days of quarantine, I’m totally out of ideas. I eliminated most of the screens in the house (none are in the living room) because too much screen time was becoming depressing. Also, I’ve noticed it leaves my kids drained and cranky when they get too much of it. Also, I’ve refreshed our “learning environment” main spaces with new comic books and used science magazines, musical instruments and carving tools (for my teens); building blocks, Legos and Play Doh for my tiny people.

Just about every morning someone says, “What are we doing today?” To which I reply with a smile: “You tell me.” This is their cue to get creative, to “figure it out” (my own favorite mantra). I then sit back, typing away on my teen novel (which, interestingly, has inspired a few of them to do the same). Sure, sometimes they try to interrupt me, but I haven’t noticed in a while — I’m learning not to hover.


Read more:
10 Summertime manners to teach your kids so everyone can relax

Child and Son Laughing

Read more:
The Montessori rule that changed the way I parent

Support Aleteia!

If you’re reading this article, it’s thanks to the generosity of people like you, who have made Aleteia possible.

Here are some numbers:

  • 20 million users around the world read every month
  • Aleteia is published every day in seven languages: English, French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Slovenian
  • Each month, readers view more than 50 million pages
  • Nearly 4 million people follow Aleteia on social media
  • Each month, we publish 2,450 articles and around 40 videos
  • We have 60 full time staff and approximately 400 collaborators (writers, translators, photographers, etc.)

As you can imagine, these numbers represent a lot of work. We need you.

Support Aleteia with as little as $1. It only takes a minute. Thank you!

Daily prayer
And today we celebrate...

Top 10
difficult people
Zoe Romanowsky
How to love people you don’t really like
saint teresa of Avila
Zelda Caldwell
Now there’s a computer font based on St. Teresa of Avila’s handwr...
Agnès Pinard Legry
Three brothers ordained priests on the same day in the Philippine...
Philip Kosloski
How the violence in ‘Squid Game’ can impact your soul
Philip Kosloski
A scientist describes the Miracle of the Sun at Fatima
Kathleen N. Hattrup
A martyr’s last letter to his mother
Theresa Civantos Barber
How following Christ is like falling in love
See More
Get Aleteia delivered to your inbox. Subscribe here.