Aleteia

What to do if you feel unfulfilled and lost when you’re single

SAD WOMAN
Share

Here are 4 things to keep in mind if you’re longing for a spouse.

If you’re feeling lost, frustrated, or just extra single right now, I want to remind you that it’s okay to feel that way. We weren’t made to be alone. It’s just a fact that human beings feel the most fulfilled when they are in relationship with other people, especially when serving those people.

Not only that, but humans long to be intimately known and understood. Marriage is a relationship where we especially have the opportunity to be intimately known and loved while having constant opportunities to serve another. 

If you’re single right now, and don’t have any future connections in sight, life can seem very bleak. It might have seemed impossible that you would ever meet someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with — and now we’ve got a pandemic. But here are a few things to keep in mind while you battle the various frustrations of being single right now … 

Your feelings are legitimate. 

Most of us are called to marriage. When that is the vocation we believe we are made for, is frustrating to say the least. Just because you aren’t married now doesn’t mean you will never be, but when everyone around you seems to be happily settled in their vocations, the ache grows more pronounced. 

You have worth and dignity regardless of your relationship status. 

No matter where you are in life, you are called to holiness. And that call is more important than your specific vocation, whatever that may be.  So while finding a spouse and living out the vocation of marriage certainly makes your call to holiness more tangible, it is possible to live a full, complete, and holy life without it.

The saints give us good examples of this. St. Marguerite Bays was a Swiss dressmaker who never married and never became a professed religious. She devoted her life to teaching children catechism and serving the sick when not working. St. Pier Giorgio Frassati fell in love with a friend, Laura, but decided not to marry her for the greater good of his immediate family. Countless others fought the good fight and reached the goal without a spouse by their side.  

Turn your frustrations outward instead of inward.

When you feel extra lost or upset, instead of throwing an extra long pity party, find someone to serve. Run an errand for an older relative, call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while, pick up a coffee for a tired coworker. The more you can form a habit of finding someone to help when you feel down, the more quickly you can turn your day around in the future (as you’ll spend less time upset and more time concerned with others).  

Strengthen the connections you already have with people around you. 

Even if you find your spouse tomorrow, the people who are already in your life will still be around. Your family and good friends will still want to be a part of your life. Plus, the more you love other people, the easier it becomes to love in general. Find out your mom’s love language. Then show her love in that way. Throw a dinner party for a few friends to celebrate how long you’ve known each other. Have deep heart to hearts with the people you know and love. Know and love them better. 

This stage in your life may last a few more years or a few more decades. And that’s hard to grapple with and think about. But, don’t let it stop you from growing into the most virtuous and loving you possible right now. We are only given this moment. Let’s make it count. 

 

Newsletter
Get Aleteia delivered to your inbox. Subscribe here.