Marriage in crisis? Be careful what advice you heed

Bad counsel in situations of marital crisis can lead to separation and divorce. The pain people feel in those moments makes them feel vulnerable as they look look for help and comfort. Not all advice is good, even if it’s well-intentioned.

Crises are opportunities to change and grow, but often we need professional help and the right approach. It’s worth trying everything before throwing in the towel.

Teresa Lamana, a psychologist at the Center for Comprehensive Family Care at Francisco de Vitoria University, tells Aleteia:

The feeling of vulnerability in moments of weakness makes people seek advice before making a decision, such as separation or divorce. But Lamana insists that this advice to guide their decision-making cannot determine their decisions:

Family therapists give examples of some advice which—although it may be given with good intentions—does not contribute to solving the problem, but rather to increasing it:

Family therapist Monica de Aysa says that this advice will not, in fact, solve the problem. She recommends not cutting off the relationship easily, and not giving up hope, but rather trying everything to save your marriage.

When marital crises are complicated or downright seem to have no solution, and “home remedies” have not worked, it’s best to seek professional help compatible with your beliefs regarding marriage.

Clarity about your concept of marriage being the same as that of your therapist is important, since today it’s understood in very different ways by different parts of society. Thus, therapy rooted in principles different from the lifelong self-giving envisioned by Christianity can be counterproductive for your marriage.

Teresa Lamana tells us:

The therapist Monica de Aysa explains: 

If a couple is experiencing marital difficulties, María del Carmen González Rivas, director of the Vinculos Center of Psychological and Family Care, recommends these practices, in addition to professional therapy, before the marriage comes to a crisis point. A couple can turn their challenges into an opportunity for growth by: