The one Advent message every mom needs to hear

I’m not usually one to say that “everyone” needs to hear a certain message, but I was really surprised at the response to a recent social media post. So many of my friends loved the message that I thought you might like to hear it, too!

I stumbled upon this post on Instagram encouraging moms not to stress out over Advent preparations. It said, 

Gosh, what a breath of fresh air that was to hear when so much of social media is full of influencer ads for expensive Advent calendars and elaborate Christmas preparations.

I shared the post on my Instagram thinking it would be a somewhat countercultural message,. But I was pleasantly surprised when many of my friends reshared it or messaged to thank me for sharing it. Clearly a lot of people agree. 

There is so much pressure on moms to create “Advent and Christmas magic,” but there's no magic in giving up our peace of mind for weeks on end.

So this year, I don’t want to fall into the trap of thinking that I need to spend lots of money or go to extravagant lengths to make Christmas magic. I want to focus on enjoying the simple delights of this season: drinking hot cocoa after playing in the snow, cuddling up to read a book next to twinkly lights, slowly looking at the Nativity-scene figures one by one, lighting the candles on the Advent wreath and singing “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.” 

After hearing from other moms, I'm glad to know I’m not the only one who plans to ignore the online pressure and hype and instead wants to take things slowly and peacefully this Advent.

Of course, not everyone feels this way. If elaborate Advent and Christmas activities bring you joy, what a beautiful thing! Enjoy all the fun and excitement of those preparations.

But if it doesn’t bring you joy? If you cringe at the thought of waiting in long lines or braving big crowds to do “that one special holiday thing”? If you know there is no way in heck you're going to remember to move that elf after the second day of Advent? If your time or budget don't allow for splashy decorations? 

Then just don’t do it. It’s OK. Your kids will not be deprived. They are not missing out.

A peaceful, happy mom is worth more than an infinite number of extravagant holiday activities. 

When faced with so many options for the Advent and Christmas season, how can we know what’s important to do? What actually matters?

Years ago, I read the most beautiful advice from a wise and holy priest. A young mom was worried and questioning whether she was “doing enough” to celebrate her faith with her children. The priest told her, “Just make sure they know the story.” Tell our kids the greatest story of all time, the story of Christ and his love for us, and let that message sink in.

I keep coming back to that priest's advice. In our house, we light the Advent wreath and sing, and I read my kids the Christmas story. We talk about this "story of all stories"—also the name of a beautiful new story Bible for Catholics I hope to read with my family this Advent—and about how this story is both beautiful and true.

I try to slow down and enjoy the Christmas preparations. We rest, and we revel in the joy of the season and of Christ coming down to earth.

There's a time and a place for "doing all the things," but none of these extras are actually necessary to be a great mom. You can raise healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids without doing extra baking or crafts or outings.

Personally, I like to save some of the special activities—such as gingerbread house kits, cookie baking, craft kits, or favorite holiday movies—for after Christmas, making the 12 Days of Christmas feel more joyful and keeping the spirit of Advent as a time of preparation. (Bonus: you can often find these things on super sale the day after Christmas!) Spacing out the fun like this really takes off the pressure and makes it all feel a lot more manageable. But it's also ok not to do it at all. We have to discern what makes sense for our own families.

Let's do the things we enjoy, and give ourselves permission to skip what doesn't work—without guilt. And hopefully we'll all enjoy some of that well-deserved rest this Advent and Christmas!