She wanted her mother to have an abortion; then the child’s life changed her

"I thought that in order to be free you had to break boundaries"

I always had in my heart the desire for freedom; for me, freedom came to be more important even than happiness (...) For me freedom was everything (...) I thought that to be free you had to break boundaries. (...) This gave rise to a great rebellion within me.

Urging her mother to have an abortion

When my mother became pregnant with this child I was very angry because we were grown up already (...) We had our peace of mind (...) and it bothered me (...) The fourth child was a burden (...) In my heart I wished she would abort the pregnancy. I was in favor of abortion, defending women's rights.

The joy of her brother's birth

When this baby was born I fell madly in love (...) to such an extent that – a little perhaps to silence this remorse I carried with me for having wanting to kill him – I spoiled him terribly. I pampered him a lot, but he really became the center of my life (...) However this wasn’t reflected in my faith. I was very distant from the church. I was against Catholics, and this remained with me.

Her struggle against the Church

Her little brother's illness and her sense of guilt

It was a struggle for me (...) I was terrible. (...) In this context – I had already graduated from high school and was continuing my studies – this little brother (age 9 Ed.) got sick. He was diagnosed with a terrible stomach disease, and its onset was very aggressive. A disease that wouldn’t stop (...) Its progress was overwhelming, to the point that it endangered his life. 

The most difficult trial in her life

It was the worst time of my whole life. Not only was I worried, and sorry (...) I felt responsible; I thought in my heart that that was the punishment God was sending me. Since I would’ve wanted to kill my little brother, now I thought the Lord was making him die like that to tell me, "Do you see? You wanted to do away with him, and now I'm really going to take him."

“I thought that things could be bought from God”

I used to think that things could be bought from God. It was a bit like, "You do something for me and I’ll do something for you." So I said to the Lord, "Whoever you are, wherever you are, I ask you to save the life of this child (...) I’m willing to do anything. Take everything we have (...) let us be left poor, take everything, but save the life of this child. And I’m willing to do anything in return." Even the thing I hated the most, which was hanging out with Catholics. "If you intervene powerfully in the life of this child I’m willing to pay by going to a Catholic group, to the Gifra, the Franciscan youth group."

"I had to pay my debt"

Mission in Albania and God's gaze

Sister Clare's vocation

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

that I know very well.

(Psalm 139:14)