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The question you should ask your spouse every morning


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Anna Ashkova - published on 04/24/23

According to psychologist Dr. John Gottman and his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz, asking each other one simple question in the morning can strengthen your marriage.

A kiss, a hug, whispering “Did you sleep well?” in your spouse’s ear… This is how the morning often begins for new couples. Then as time passes, routine settles in and the small morning gestures of affection give way to the frantic race of daily life. Morning conversations are often logistical: “Are you picking up the kids from school?” “Can you buy milk tonight?” “Have you scheduled a doctor’s appointment?”

Yet, according to Dr. John Gottman, a therapist specializing in relationships, asking your spouse a simple question in the morning can help break this routine and make the relationship last. 

Curiosity, admiration, and attention

In the book The Love Prescription, Dr. John Gottman and his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz explain that there are three things that are common to couples that last: taking an interest in each other, sharing admiration for each other, and metaphorically (and often literally) “turning toward each other instead of away” when the spouse requires attention. 

And to put these three points (curiosity, admiration, and attention) into daily practice, the Gottmans, who have been studying couples for more than 20 years, suggest asking your spouse this question every morning: “Is there anything you need from me today?”

“It’s just one sentence. But it does a lot. It’s an invitation. It says I love you and I want to be there for you,” they say.

That simple question can be a key tool for a happy couple. However, don’t forget that you also have to be ready to listen (and respond) to the answer!

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