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Don’t let your anger tear yourself down in the process

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Philip Kosloski - published on 02/02/25
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It is not spiritually helpful to get angry with ourselves, as we can too often be too harsh, distancing ourselves from God in the process.

For many of us, when we make a mistake, the immediate response is to tear ourselves down.

We see ourselves as the cause of all problems in the world and it was our stupidity or carelessness that caused someone else pain.

As much as we like to justify our self-loathing, God does not see us in this light and would much rather we spend our energy loving him than hating ourselves.

Gentleness with ourselves

In his Introduction to the Devout Life, St. Francis de Sales urged a certain gentleness with ourselves, not letting our anger destroy us:

One important direction in which to exercise gentleness, is with respect to ourselves, never growing irritated with one’s self or one’s imperfections; for although it is but reasonable that we should be displeased and grieved at our own faults, yet ought we to guard against a bitter, angry, or peevish feeling about them.

It's natural to not be happy about our faults, and in some ways it can be healthy, as it could encourage us to do better next time.

However, it becomes worse when we accuse ourselves and become the judge, focusing too much on ourselves and not enough on God:

Moreover, all this anger and irritation against one’s self fosters pride, and springs entirely from self-love, which is disturbed and fretted by its own imperfection. What we want is a quiet, steady, firm displeasure at our own faults. A judge gives sentence more effectually speaking deliberately and calmly than if he be impetuous and passionate (for in the latter case he punishes not so much the actual faults before him, but what they appear to him to be); and so we can chasten ourselves far better by a quiet stedfast repentance, than by eager hasty ways of penitence, which, in fact, are proportioned not by the weight of our faults, but according to our feelings and inclinations.

What we need to do is to turn to God's mercy, and not be the unjust judge:

Seek God’s Mercy, hope in Him, ask Him to keep you from falling again, and begin to tread the pathway of humility afresh. We must be more on our guard henceforth. Such a course will be the surest way to making a stedfast substantial resolution against the special fault.

God loves each one of us and wants us to be united with him in Heaven. We need to guard against being angry with ourselves to such a degree that we let the anger drag us down in the opposite direction.

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