It often begins with a sigh over coffee or a whispered comment outside the church on Sunday: “You wouldn’t believe what my teenager said to me last night …” It’s the kind of statement that gets nods and knowing laughs — parenting teens and young adults can feel like navigating a minefield in flip-flops. But here’s a truth worth remembering: Our kids are not our enemy, and they were never meant to be the punchline of casual gossip.
Yes, teens can be infuriating. They roll their eyes with Olympic-level skill, mysteriously forget how to use a dishwasher, and hold opinions like battle flags. But none of that makes them adversaries. They're simply becoming — stretching their limbs and identities toward adulthood, sometimes gracelessly, often loudly, always under watchful eyes.
When adults treat this awkward transition as an act of war, it damages the very relationship that’s meant to anchor them through the storm.
A sulky door slam isn’t treason — even if it might crack the paint work -- it’s a cry for space. A sarcastic reply isn’t mutiny — it’s a growing mind testing its voice. And while boundaries and discipline matter, so does remembering that beneath the hoodie and attitude is the same beloved child who once fell asleep during bedtime prayers.
Yet perhaps the more subtle battle takes place outside the home — in whispered complaints and parental “vent sessions.” While commiserating can be cathartic, it too often slides into something less noble: gossip. Sharing frustrations about a child’s behavior in front of others, especially without context or compassion, turns them into a character rather than a person — one who’s often not around to defend themselves.
Scripture offers a quiet challenge here: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up” (Ephesians 4:29).
Teenagers, like all souls, are worthy of words that build. They’re already swimming in a world of comparison, criticism, and confusion. If their own parents join the chorus of complaints, who will speak mercy over them?
Partners in growth
There’s a better way. Instead of seeing teens as trouble to be endured, consider them partners in growth. Sure, they may be prickly — almost like emotional cacti — but they also brim with curiosity, passion, and depth. They need guidance, not gossip. They need correction, yes, but also compassion.
And just as importantly, they need to know their story is safe with their parents. Not shared over brunch. Not dissected in a prayer group. But held with dignity, as one might cradle a fragile bird preparing to fly.
This doesn’t mean parents should bottle up their struggles. Trusted conversations are vital, especially when seeking advice or support. But the line between seeking help and publicly narrating a teen’s stumbles can be thinner than expected. A useful rule? If it would hurt a child to hear it repeated, it’s probably best left unsaid.
In the end, home should be the one place where a young person feels seen — not scrutinized, cherished — not caricatured. As Psalm 127:3 gently reminds: “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” And rewards are meant to be treasured, not teased.
So, the next time a teen stomps off or offers a look that could curdle milk, take a breath. Resist the urge to rehearse their faults with the nearest adult. Instead, choose empathy, choose patience, and choose to speak love — especially when it’s hardest.
By the way, as parents of multiple teens on staff, we appreciate that this time of life is when you might need the patience of a saint. If you're looking for recommendations, then St. Monica -- the mother of the once more-than-challenging St. Augustine -- is a firm favorite!
And if you'd like some holy inspiration for your teen, look to these saintly youngsters who faced some serious challenges in life:
