A grandmother is an underestimated treasure and support in raising grandchildren. What is her role? Intuitively, we feel that she shouldn’t be a competitor to the children’s parents. But surely, “parents are for raising, grandmothers for spoiling?”
Holy women, mothers, and grandmothers of saints
Among canonized saints, there are quite a few moms who raised saints. We should mention St. Elizabeth (mother of St. John the Baptist), Marie Zelie Martin (mother of St. Thérèse), and St. Monica (mother of St. Augustine), among others.
But, have you heard of holy grandmothers? These are women who not only raised their own children, but lived to see holy grandchildren. Everyone knows St. Anne, mother of Mary and grandmother of Jesus. But there are more!
One of the more interesting figures is St. Macrina the Elder. She was the mother of St. Basil the Elder, and the grandmother of many saints, including St. Basil the Great and St. Gregory of Nyssa (bishops and theologians), St. Peter of Sebaste (bishop and monk), and St. Macrina the Younger (who dedicated her life to asceticism, prayer and Scripture).
From the memoirs written down by her grandchildren, we learn that it was she who passed on to them the teachings of the Church. This was especially the case with Basil and Gregory, who played a key role in the final formulation of the Nicene Creed.
This example shows that a grandmother can do much more for her grandchildren than just pampering and feeding them homemade dinners.
The underrated role of grandmothers
How much does a grandmother influence her grandchildren today? The Institute for Integrated Prevention in Poland, led by Dr. Szymon Grzelak, has been conducting research for years on factors that protect teenagers from engaging in risky behavior. It turns out that the most powerful protection is parents — as long as they are life guides for young people.
However, this is not always the case. Sometimes parents fail to be a support, a guide, or an authority for their children. That's when a grandmother comes into action. If she has a good bond with her grandchildren and they consider her a wise person — their guide — she is equally effective. Researchers have called this the “grandmother effect.”
Analyses conducted on a large sample of more than 13,900 young Poles showed that looking to a grandmother as a life guide is associated with lower levels of suicidal thoughts, less frequent use of alcohol and drugs, less inclination to violence, and preservation of premarital chastity. Analogous studies conducted in Lithuania and Malta have proven that the “grandmother effect” is widespread and also visible in other parts of the world.
At the same time, when teenagers see both their parents and their grandparents as wise authorities, the effect is compounded.
Tips on how to become a saintly grandmother
The question then becomes, what does it take to become such a saintly grandmother, a wise authority and support for the parents? Here are five basic conditions.
1Integrity — living according to your values
Being a saintly grandmother starts with integrity: living in harmony with your value system. A grandmother who has made good choices and is guided by principles of faith shows her grandchildren that living according to these principles bears fruit. Life wisdom, which can be passed on to younger generations, becomes valuable when grandchildren see authenticity — the fact that grandma not only talks about values, but also lives them. Such an attitude becomes an inspiration to emulate.
2An ear ready to listen
Children and young people need someone who will listen to them without judging. A saintly grandmother is someone who’s open to conversation and ready to listen patiently to even the most difficult stories. Grandchildren should feel that grandma is their ally, and that talking to her is a space where they can express their thoughts, concerns, and dreams. Listening is also about showing respect for their emotions and problems, even if they seem trivial from an adult perspective.
This bond generally arises naturally. Older people often have a greater peace of mind that comes from life experience, but also the awareness that they aren’t the primary educators of their grandchildren. As a result, they’re willing to listen without negativity. And while not everyone has this calmness, it can and should be learned — for the sake of the grandchildren!
3Cooperation with parents, not competition
A saintly grandmother respects the authority of her grandchildren's parents. Even if she disagrees with some of their decisions, she refrains from undermining their position in the eyes of the children.
Instead of criticizing or ridiculing, a grandmother can suggest alternatives in a non-confrontational way. For example, if parents allow their children to use their smartphone excessively, a grandmother can establish a rule in her home that time at her house is spent offline. She can offer interesting activities in return, such as cooking together, telling family stories, or going for walks.
4Boundaries of care and responsibility
A grandmother should avoid interfering with parents' decisions unless their actions realistically threaten the child's health or life, such as in situations of violence, alcoholism, or drug abuse. In such cases, the grandmother has a duty to protect her grandchildren.
On the other hand, in less critical situations — such as disputes over diet or parenting methods — it’s worth remembering that a grandmother has the right to express her opinion, but always with respect for the parents' decisions. This should happen and in private, not in the presence of grandchildren.
5Creating good memories
A saintly grandmother isn’t only an advisor and listener, but also a hero and creator of beautiful moments that grandchildren will remember for a lifetime. It's worth building memories that will become a treasure trove of positive experiences. Baking together, playing board games, going on trips, telling stories about old times, teaching forgotten songs and carols, or doing crafts are great alternatives to smartphones and TV. Such activities not only enrich the bonds between grandmother and grandchildren, but also show them that life offline can be full of joy and adventure.
Finally, it’s worth emphasizing that a grandmother is not a nanny. She isn’t a hired person, fulfilling for money the exact wishes of the client regarding the structure of the day and the activities of the children entrusted to her care. The time spent with a grandmother will be different — dedicated to imparting life wisdom, telling stories, listening, sharing their lives, playing, etc.
Only in this way can a grandmother become a true support and an important person in the upbringing of her grandchildren. Therefore, in the relationship with grandchildren it’s worthwhile to set key important points for parents (this applies, for example, to dietary and health requirements), and in other matters to simply trust.
