6 Useful tips for when our children aren’t listening

We’re halfway through the summer holidays, which means many parents are somewhere between “What a blessing this time is!” and “Is bedtime still six hours away?”

The days are longer, the routines are looser, and our children — bless them — seem to have developed a curious hearing condition where they can’t respond to anything except the ice cream truck. If you’ve repeated “Put your shoes on” or “Please stop jumping on the sofa” more times than you’ve had cups of tea, you’re not alone.

So what can we do when it feels like our children just aren’t listening — and our patience is wearing thin?

This might sound obvious, but the first step isn’t getting your child to listen — it’s grounding yourself. Children, especially in the summer when everything’s overstimulating, can pick up on our energy before they hear our words.

When you feel that familiar heat rising, try stepping away for a moment. Take a breath, say a quick prayer (“Lord, give me patience, now would be great!”), and reset. It won’t fix everything, but it will help you respond instead of react — and that’s a small win in itself.

Sometimes, what looks like disobedience is just distraction. Kids might not be ignoring you on purpose — they might be deeply immersed in something (even if that something is watching an ant crawl across a rock for five minutes).

Try gently moving closer, making eye contact, and using their name. Physically lowering yourself to their level can also help— it reminds them that you’re not just a voice floating above the chaos, but someone present and connected.

Mid-summer parenting can bring out the monologue in all of us. We start with, “Could you please tidy up those crayons?” and 60 seconds later we’re explaining the importance of organization, cleanliness, and why St. Benedict believed in order and beauty.

Try to keep it short and simple. One instruction. One clear sentence. Then pause. Children are far more likely to absorb a few direct words than a rolling lecture — no matter how brilliant or saintly our intentions.

Summer can throw routines out the window — and that’s often part of the fun. But too much unpredictability can make it hard for kids to regulate themselves and listen well. Reintroducing small rituals — like a consistent wake-up time, a tidy-up song, or screen-free meal times — can make a big difference.

You don’t have to schedule every minute. Even a few anchors in the day can help children feel more secure and more responsive.

When kids ignore us, or melt down in front of the neighbors, or argue over who gets the blue cup again, it’s easy to think we’re doing something wrong. But these moments don’t mean we’re failing — they mean we’re human, and so are our children.

They’re growing, learning, testing, stretching. And we’re growing too — in patience, resilience, forgiveness (and humility, whether we asked for it or not!).

Sometimes all we can do is whisper a prayer while scrubbing peanut butter off the wall: “Lord, help me love them well—even now.” There’s grace in that. Not perfection, not Pinterest-parenting, but grace. And grace is often what gets us through the long afternoons, the ignored instructions, and the never-ending snack requests.

At the end of the day, our children may not remember every correction we gave them — but they’ll remember how we made them feel. Did we try to listen back? Did we offer hugs after the shouting? Did we model the very patience we’re asking of them (even if it took us three tries)?

So if you find yourself counting down the minutes to bedtime, or repeating “Please stop hitting your brother with the pool noodle,” again… take heart.

You are doing a good and holy work. It might not feel heroic, but love — shown through daily patience, repeated reminders, and messy forgiveness — is the kind that shapes souls.

And if all else fails, there’s always ice cream. For them. For you. For peace.