6 Really bad reasons to get married — be careful!

There are plenty of good reasons to get married! From mutual attraction and the desire to start a family, to the promise of having a partner in times of joy and support in times of sorrow, and having your relationship blessed through the sacrament of marriage … But there are also bad reasons that need to be identified before embarking on the great adventure of marriage.

This discernment is important for the joy of married life. Adélaïde and Michel Sion are marriage prep professionals, and they list some of these bad reasons in their recent book, Se donner pour toute la vie! (“Giving yourself for life!”).

If you’re considering marriage, go over this list in the privacy of your own soul.

While this feeling may seem commendable at first glance, it’s no match for the commitment that marriage requires. You don't get married to please your fiancé or your family. The pain inflicted by rejecting a proposal or calling off an engagement will be nothing compared to a divorce years later. 

If you don't feel ready to love the other person just as they are for the rest of your life, you need to overcome your apprehension and break off the engagement, however difficult that may be. The stakes are too high to commit yourself without being fully convinced.

“The fear of remaining alone can lead people to marry the first person they meet, without sufficient discernment,” note Adélaïde and Michel Sion. It’s not good for a person to be alone, but you don't get married just to avoid being alone. “One way to prepare for marriage is to learn to be happy on your own,” advises the couple.

Sometimes people want to get married at all costs in order to leave their family structure and escape from authoritarian parents or some other difficult home situation. It's also seen as a way of proving to those around you that you’re worthy of love. Another bad reason is wanting to get married before younger siblings.

These are all motivations that lead to hasty decisions, biased by reasons that will not stand the test of time.

Fearing scandal, or wanting to provide a united front for a child who arrived unexpectedly, some couples get married without having fully thought things through. “It's better to wait until the baby is born to make a calm and considered decision: the baby alone doesn’t make the marriage work,” say Adélaïde and Michel Sion.

As a good “Saint Bernard,” people who are always ready to devote themselves to others may want to get married to “save” the other person, or at least to help them. This is a misconception of marriage. “Although compassion is a very noble sentiment, such a marriage is doomed to failure, both as a marital union and as an act of charity,” say the marriage counselors.

Some people with mental health problems (depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc.) may think that marriage alone will be a cure. For Adélaïde and Michel Sion, this is an illusion. “What they must take into account, on the contrary, is the potential serious injustice perpetrated against a partner who is unaware of the true situation,” they emphasize.

In some cases, the illness isn’t hidden. The spouse is aware of it, and beautiful love stories unfold. But when the illness is deliberately hidden in order to deceive the spouse, it constitutes fraud. A marriage contracted under false pretenses is null and void under Church law.