Growing up, I’d never even heard of the Rosary. As a non-Catholic, it simply wasn’t on my radar. I guess I’d seen a monk in a movie or two with a Rosary tucked into his belt and I had a vague notion the beads were somehow used for prayer, but other than that I had no clue. Because of this, when I entered the Catholic Church at age 30, I had zero experience with the rosary. I’d learned more about it during catechism class but it still wasn’t part of my prayer life. It never occurred to me to get a Rosary of my own and actually try to use it.
Eventually I realized that, every day before Mass, a group of people were praying the Rosary. When I made new Catholic friends and the conversation turned to spirituality, the vast majority of them prayed the Rosary on at least a semi-regular basis.
It seemed important, so I decided to try it. I learned all about the mysteries, how to meditate on them, and how to use the calming, repetitive nature of it to focus my prayer. I tried praying it a few times, and did not like it at all.
It was uncomfortable and unfamiliar. My mind kept wandering and I couldn’t picture the mysteries with any consistency. I lost track of what prayer to say next. I would get bored and want to rush through. To make it worse, I couldn’t help but notice that all the wonderful, older ladies who populate daily Mass were amazing at the Rosary. They would kneel patiently and pray decade after decade. Many of them, I knew, would go on to pray even more Rosaries later in the day. They prayed it naturally and easily in a way I couldn’t. Am I a bad Catholic, I wondered?
What did St. Thérèse think?
This whole month of October is dedicated to the rosary, a fact that makes it pretty obvious how central it has become to the Church’s devotion. The saints extol it. The popes encourage it. Your local priest probably loves it. A maternal Italian lady once chastised me for not praying it enough. But what if you struggle to pray it? What if you don’t get much out of it or even don’t like it?
Ironically, the month of October begins with the feast of St. Thérèse of Lisieux, who famously struggled with praying the Rosary. In her autobiography, she explains, “When alone, (I am ashamed to admit it) the recitation of the Rosary is more difficult for me than the wearing of an instrument of penance. I feel I have said this so poorly! I force myself in vain to meditate on the mysteries of the Rosary; I don’t succeed in fixing my mind on them.”
In other words, she would rather wear a hair shirt or receive penitential lashes than pick up a Rosary! She had the same problem many of us share, which is maintaining focus on the mysteries.
But she never stopped working her beads.
“For a long time,” she writes, “I was desolate about this lack of devotion that astonished me, for I love the Blessed Virgin so much that it should be easy for me to recite in her honor prayers which are so pleasing to her. Now I am less desolate; I think that the Queen of heaven, since she is my MOTHER, must see my good will and she is satisfied with it.”
What a mother asks
She realized that no prayer is ever offered with perfect focus and intention, so she resolved to stop worrying, give her very best, and leave the rest up to God. With the Rosary in particular she came to understand that, because it unites us to Our Lady, there’s a motherly grace involved in it. If ever we were to struggle with a prayer, it can be the Rosary -- because a mother only asks of us our best effort, not perfection. Mothers love us just as we are.
Now that I’m a priest, I regularly hear from Catholics who, like me, aren’t satisfied with the quality of their daily Rosary. They ask me for advice for how to pray better. I can give no better advice than to point to St. Thérèse’s revelation that the heart of prayer is love. Even when we love badly, even when we fall short, the point is to keep loving. It simply won’t do to give up.
Every Rosary prayed with sincere intention is gathered up in the love of Our Lady and offered to God as a pleasing gift.
No, when we fail to love each other as we should, we try again the next day. Eventually, with persistence, there’s always hope we can improve -- even if progress is painfully slow. And even if our love is never quite perfected, our prayerful efforts will be met by a greater love that completes us where we’re lacking, transforming our small offering into a great one. Every Rosary prayed with sincere intention is gathered up in the love of Our Lady and offered to God as a pleasing gift.
A few practical tips
By way of more specific advice, I can offer a few practical tips.
First, know that everyone struggles to pray better and your imperfections are not uniquely bad. Your prayers are more valuable than you think, so don’t give up.
Second, some of us pray the Rosary poorly because we do it at the wrong times, such as when we’re tired, rushed, or it’s too late in the day. At times like these, the prayer becomes a task to be checked off the list and we lose the heart of it. Find out when you pray best and schedule the time so it doesn’t slip away.
Third, as important as the Rosary is and although many, many people love it, I actually think the Rosary isn’t necessarily the primary devotional prayer for everyone. Some kinds of prayer are easier and some are harder depending on your temperament and background. I do think everyone should make efforts to pray the Rosary whether we like it or not. After all, it’s highly recommended by the saints and full of grace that brings us closer to Our Lady, but if you struggle to connect with it, you can try praying the Daily Office, committing to a Holy Hour, or meditating on the Psalms or spiritual reading.
Even if you continue to struggle with the Rosary, there’s grace in the effort. Every time we refocus on one of the mysteries, every time we sigh and go back to the beginning of a decade to pray it better, every time we offer to God our time and attention, as lacking as it may be, he honors the effort.
That’s why we continue to pray the Rosary, to make a connection to love and, hopefully, if we’re persistent, to someday meet our Maker in Heaven and encounter the mysteries not in our imagination but in reality.
