As one of the last generation to grow up without the internet, I remember frequently being bored as a child. And honestly, I remember it was really good for me.
My parents were one of the original “no TV” families, so even in my busy home with six siblings, I occasionally found myself bored with “nothing to do.” As much as I complained about it, it turns out this was a hidden blessing.
These are a few of the things I found to do when I was bored as a child:
- Pulled random books off my parents’ bookshelves and fell in love with classic novels
- Decided to write my own version of the Harry Potter series set in the U.S. Then filled a notebook with my imagined school — teachers, students, school location and setting — and sent “school acceptance letters” to my friends in the mail
- Read saint biographies and developed a devotion to the saint I chose for my confirmation
- Built a “leprechaun trap” in the backyard which expanded to a city of “fairy houses”
You get the idea. I highly doubt I would have read Little Women at age 10 if I hadn’t found myself bored and looking for something to do. But as I recall it, moments of being bored ended up leading to some of the best parts of my childhood.
We’re losing boredom right when we need it most
Fast forward to today, and when I think back to that creative little girl, I don’t know what happened to her. I don’t seem to know how to sit with boredom anymore. And as a busy mom, my brain could use that quiet time to think more than ever!
Instead of turning boredom into a chance for restorative creativity like I once did, I fill each moment of down time with digital distractions.
My friend calls her phone “the adult pacifier,” since it has the same quieting effect on her that her baby’s pacifier has on him. But is it really healthy to distract ourselves with this “pacifier” every time we are bored?
I’m not the first to notice our “boredom deficit.”
Psychologist Zelana Montminy finds it such a problem that she actively looks for ways to build her capacity for boredom. The Guardian reports:
One of the hardest elements of her mental fitness regime has been “building up my boredom tolerance, trying to let myself be idle without filling the gap.”
She has had to start small – looking out of a window for five seconds, then trying to last a bit longer. Think of it as like building your number of reps in the gym. “I might look up from my desk as a break, and just stare and be present with my thoughts. It’s shocking to me how rare that is.”
Not all boredom is the same
As I looked more into this issue, I found that researchers generally divide boredom into two types.
There’s “hot boredom,” which is more of a restlessness and irritation, with a strong desire to escape the situation.
In contrast, “cool boredom” is a calm and refreshing time where one becomes comfortable with stillness and finds peace. It’s almost a contemplative experience.
As I look for ways to experience “more boredom,” I mean the latter kind. Although when we do find ourselves in the former situation, we can change our thinking to experience “cool boredom” instead. Learning how to do this might be one of the best things about being bored, honestly.
This "cool boredom” is an opportunity for creativity and problem solving. Think of how you often have a mental breakthrough while taking a shower or going on a walk. And even more than that, it’s an opportunity for prayer.
“I remember lying on the ground in the yard as a kid, feeling bored, and it became the first time I ever reached out to God in prayer and experienced a sense of his presence,” my friend told me.
A strong spiritual life requires silence and space for conversation with God. Are our kids getting enough quiet and stillness to have a chance to develop their relationships with God?
Boredom seems to be top of mind for a lot of people lately. My friend reported that her child’s teacher told the parents at back-to-school night: “We must teach the children to accept being bored. So much of life needs to be accepted as basically ‘boring,’ even sticking with the same spouse!”
Try a boredom experiment
It might seem silly to worry about whether we’re bored enough. But when I can’t tolerate even a little boredom, I know my inner life and my imagination must be really suffering.
Writer Bertrand Russell put the situation in stark terms:
A generation that cannot endure boredom will be a generation of little men, of men unduly divorced from the slow processes of nature, of men in whom every vital impulse slowly withers, as though they were cut flowers in a vase.
His words convicted me, so I’ve started looking for small ways to build my capacity for boredom.
When I go to a workout class or take a neighborhood walk, I’ve started to leave my phone at home. Inevitably I do start to get bored, so I try to use that time to think through any problems or dilemmas in my life. Usually I leave with a mental list of things to do, ideas and solutions born out of that time of “boredom.”
I also usually leave my phone at home when we go to church on Sundays, a reminder to be fully present.
Try one of these ways to build your “boredom stamina”:
- When kids complain they’re bored, tell them, “Boredom is a wonderful chance to be creative and have new ideas. I wonder what you will find to do. I look forward to seeing what you come up with!”
- Try leaving your phone in another room for one evening
- Plan a “social media fast” one day per week
- Leave your phone at home on short outings
My goal isn’t to be bored a lot of the time, but to remember how to keep myself interested with my own thoughts rather than turning to my phone every time I have a moment of stillness. I want to rediscover the creativity and exciting ideas I enjoyed as a child.
It’s said that “Wisdom begins in wonder.” I want to give myself the space and time to wonder, really wonder, and see what wisdom I might find.
You too? Let me know in the comments if you're feeling a "boredom deficit" too, and what you plan to do about it.
