‘Polyamory’ in West, polygamy in Africa: Vatican defends monogamy

This doctrinal note, approved by Leo XIV on November 21, advocates an “intimate and totalizing” relationship between a man and a woman in marriage. Exclusivity and mutual belonging are essential to it.

The text warns against any exploitation of the other person, stating that the unique dignity of each person must never be used as a mere means to satisfy personal needs.

The Prefect of the DDF, Cardinal Víctor Manuel Fernández, spoke during the press presentation on Tuesday. He explained that this “praise of monogamy” was initially created in response to the difficulties of some African bishops in “motivating” young people in their countries — where polygamy is a cultural reality — to live the exclusive union proposed by the Catholic Church.

However, this difficulty in other forms can also be seen elsewhere, the cardinal added, broadening the discussion to include adultery and other forms of “polyamory.”

The date of publication was not chosen at random, explained the Argentine prelate: November 25 marks the wedding anniversary and feast day of Luigi and Maria Quattrocchi, the first married couple to be beatified together by the Church (2001), as well as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.

The text implicitly makes a case in defense of women: several references emphasize that monogamy ensures “equality” between partners who have “exactly the same dignity and the same rights,” following the example of Leo XIII, for whom the promotion of monogamy was “a defense of the dignity of women.”

The value of lifetime monogamy is relativized in the current era. However, “when human beings are tempted to think of themselves as creatures without limits,” the dicastery wants to provide “reasons and motivations” in favor of a “unique and exclusive” union, which it describes as “totalizing.”

The text, a formal defense and justification of monogamy, explores its merits, even if this message sounds “strange or counter-cultural” to many people. It focuses on its unifying value for the couple — leaving aside the question of “indissolubility,” which the papal magisterium has often emphasized in the past.

Una Caro details how monogamy is enshrined in the Bible, from Genesis — the first book of man's origins — to Jesus, who “spoke unequivocally” on the subject. Numerous theologians are cited, such as Augustine, Bonaventure, Alphonse-Marie de Liguori, Dietrich von Hildebrand, Karl Rahner, and Thomas Aquinas, who argues “that monogamy derives essentially from natural instinct, being inscribed in the nature of every human being.”

The text also includes a long passage on the French couple Jacques and Raïssa Maritain, a “special case of intellectual, cultural, and spiritual communion, which cannot be presented as the only model” but which has the merit of illustrating a “radical” and ideal “union of selfless generosity.” The two 20th-century philosophers chose to live their marriage in sexual abstinence.

Throughout its 156 paragraphs, Una Caro also draws on poetry, quoting poets who, without being “saints or perfect,” were able to celebrate “the value of an exclusive union,” Cardinal Fernández pointed out.

Rome notes in this regard that despite current “deviations” — such as the increase in divorces, the trivialization of adultery, and the promotion of polyamory — the “great collective narratives (novels, films, songs) continue to exalt the myth of the unique and exclusive ‘great love.’”

For the Church, this indicates that “the desire for monogamous love remains deeply rooted in human beings, even when behaviors seem to deny it.”

This “faithful and monogamous” love requires education, according to the DDF. The dicastery would like to see the development of a “new pedagogy” in response to the world of social media, “where modesty is fading and symbolic and sexual violence is proliferating.”

The Church also reminds us that for Christians, love takes the form of charity, capable of remaining faithful despite “difficult times and temptations.”

Una Caro presents “a healthy mutual belonging” as a component of a monogamous couple. This belonging shouldn’t be confused with “undue possession,” warned the prefect. In this sense, the document lists the “ills” of an unbalanced relationship, including “manipulation, jealousy, vexation, infidelity [...] explicit or subtle violence, [...] psychological pressure.”

Rome also criticizes models of complementarity in which only one of the two partners is able to develop. In what appears to be a veiled challenge to the established social roles of the patriarchal model, it advocates for “flexible roles and duties” that adapt to circumstances.

The DDF emphasizes the inviolable sacred space of each person, the “sanctuary” of their conscience, “where only God can enter.” Marriage “is not a possession,” excludes “all control,” and does not satisfy “all needs,” the text insists. It reminds us that in a balanced relationship, “the person does not lose themselves in the relationship, they do not merge with their loved one,” and love must not “absorb the other.”

The risk of a couple closing in on themselves is also pointed out as another form of selfishness. “Exclusive” marital love must not exclude all other forms of love or attachment, warned Italian theologian Giuseppina De Simone, alongside the prefect of the DDF.

Throughout the text, the dicastery summarizes the relevant texts of the popes of the 20th and 21st centuries. It focuses in particular on Paul VI, evoking his famous encyclical Humanae Vitae, which prohibited the use of contraception. Una Caro does not directly address this subject, but states that “sexual union [...] must naturally remain open to the transmission of life.” It then qualifies this by adding, “This does not mean that this must be an explicit goal of every sexual act.”

Referring to John Paul II, the text lists “three legitimate situations” in which the sexual act isn’t necessarily intended for procreation: when a couple cannot have children; when a couple simply experiences it as an act of love without the desire to procreate; when a couple respects the woman's infertile periods (according to the “natural methods” advocated by the Church).

Lamenting today's “excessive and uncontrolled pursuit of sex,” Una caro invites us to experience sexuality as “an act of the whole human being, in his or her physicality and interiority.” It explains that this attitude increases pleasure, while using others to satisfy one's desires leaves one feeling “unsatisfied.”

An English translation of the text is expected in the coming days.

Fr. Armando Matteo, secretary of the DDF, announced that his dicastery is currently working on a forthcoming text on the “transmission of the faith,” according to a mandate entrusted to it by Pope Francis two years ago. He said that members are expected to meet officially with Pope Leo XIV next January to receive his guidance for the future.