“What was your favorite talk at the conference?” I asked a college friend soon after SEEK26, FOCUS’s highly popular annual summit.
“I was surprised,” she admitted. “I thought for sure it would be one of the more spiritual talks — and those were all really good! But actually, my favorite was from this social scientist. Have you heard of him? Arthur Brooks?”
I had to laugh, because I sure had heard of him. He’s been all over my social media lately. As a Harvard professor and social scientist who’s a devout Catholic, Brooks sees social and religious questions with unusual insight — and much of his wisdom translates well into Instagram-reel clips.
His research on the science of happiness, leadership, and human flourishing hits right at the heart of the big questions so many people have about their lives. And his advice is so useful it can immediately be put into practice to make our lives better.
A recent clip from one of his interviews on the Tim Ferriss Podcast was a helpfully concise distillation of what he recommends.
“Here's how you fix every marriage — you do four things,” Brooks said. You can watch the interview here:
If you want to strengthen your marriage, try these four simple practices — all backed by research and wonderfully suited to a Catholic lifestyle.
1Have more fun together
Number one: You have more fun together, as opposed to rehearsing grievances. More fun, less grievance.
2Pray or meditate together
Second: Pray together. If you get married, the goal is to fuse your right hemispheres. The best way to do that is by meditating together, is by praying together, is by doing right-hemisphere activity together.
3Make eye contact when you talk
The third protocol is to make eye contact whenever you talk. Never be talking without making eye contact. [Eye contact is] way more important for your wife than it is for you, way more important, because she gets three times as much oxytocin—which means she's better at bonding, but it also means that she's better at starving when she's not getting enough oxytocin.
4Always be touching
And last but not least, remember ABT: Always Be Touching. Always be touching. Always be touching. [This one is] more important for men than for women, as a matter of fact. That's why, when you're with your beloved and she hooks her arm into your arm while you're walking down the street, and you're like, “I'm big and strong.” Why? Because that’s super important.
