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Tuesday 03 August |
Saint of the Day: St. Martin

“Confessions of a Minister’s Wife”

© Jeff Belmonte from Cuiabá, Brazil

Deacon Greg Kandra - published on 07/06/15

How many women married to deacons (or priests?) could relate to this?

From Huffington Post, writer Rita Davis unloads:

Being married to a minister was not something I had on my to-do list. I just happened to fall in love with a guy who also carried the title, “Reverend.” According to my mother, I used to kiss the TV screen when Mr. Rogers was on, so maybe I always had a thing for Presbyterian ministers. I definitely had zero schema for a pastor’s wife. I grew up Roman Catholic in overtly Catholic cities and towns, went to Catholic school and had grandparents who had Mary and Joseph statues from church in their house. On a bench. Standing close to nine feet tall. Number of times I peed my pants thinking they were people: two. We didn’t meet in college or in seminary. We met through mutual friends at a dive bar with fantastic pizza. A year later, we were married and I was sitting in a pew, staring at a hymnal, thinking, Dear God, they sing every verse to every song. And, I don’t think I can leave after communion. Err, no. As I categorize myself as a novice preacher’s wife (10 years in), I am still learning, growing and navigating my way through this very unique role. I still really don’t know what I am doing and just strive to be my authentic self. However, there are a few things that I have gleaned along the way that are worth sharing.

Some choice nuggets:

8. Who am I on Sunday morning?  Every seven days, I go to my husband’s place of employment and literally watch him work. Weird. This unique dynamic is hardly inimitable. Sitting in the pew, I know my role is just as nuanced. Am I a church member? Or supporting my husband? Or assisting the nursery staff? Or failing at being a single parent? I have accomplished all four before the sermon most Sundays. 9. The B-Side of ministry.  I get resentful at times. At his countless meetings. For Saturday morning emergencies. For working 60 hour work weeks. For being tethered to work, regardless of time or day. 10. This can be a lonely gig.  I talk very little about this part of my life with anyone. I have found it makes people feel uncomfortable or they don’t know how to respond, or maybe a little of both. 11. I don’t bite.  This role can be isolating. I do not bite. Feel free to sit next to me during church or at the luncheon. I am not judging you or want to make you feel uncomfortable. However, my son is a loony toon in church and may annoy you. So, maybe scratch #11.

Check out her complete list here. 

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