Aleteia logoAleteia logo
Aleteia
Friday 15 October |
Saint of the Day: St. Teresa of Avila
Aleteia logo

The toughest part about not having sex before marriage…

Billy-Wilson-CC

Deacon Greg Kandra - published on 08/18/16

From the online magazine Verily, a bracing and candid bit of counter-culture witness from Claire McArthur:

You don’t realize how much people talk about sex unless you’re not having it. Seriously, I should know; from the age of around 15, when my peers started having sex, to the age of 25, when I got married, I got used to being the only person in the room who was deliberately abstaining from sex. …Consistently, the hardest thing about not having sex before marriage was not the decision itself but rather other people’s reactions to it. One boyfriend complained that he felt like he was in a childish relationship because he couldn’t have sex. He was the same guy who claimed he didn’t like to say “I love you” too many times because doing so might “wear it out.” I guess I should have thanked him then and there for making it abundantly obvious that physical “maturity” didn’t equal emotional maturity. Perhaps the hardest part of people’s judgment was that even well into my twenties, I felt like on some level many people didn’t see me as a fully fledged adult if they knew I was abstaining. I often wouldn’t tell people because I liked the way it felt for them to assume I was “normal.” What astonished me was how unwilling others were to accept that I had made an informed choice simply because it was different from what they were used to. In an age when choice is supposedly supreme, my choice didn’t fit with the cultural narrative, and so it wasn’t viewed as valid. People will make you feel like your life is incomplete without sex, like you’re missing out. They’ll patronize you and pity you, to the point that you might even start to wonder if there’s something wrong with you for feeling like you can live a totally fulfilled and happy life without sex.

Read it all. 

Support Aleteia!

If you’re reading this article, it’s thanks to the generosity of people like you, who have made Aleteia possible.

Here are some numbers:

  • 20 million users around the world read Aleteia.org every month
  • Aleteia is published every day in seven languages: English, French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Slovenian
  • Each month, readers view more than 50 million pages
  • Nearly 4 million people follow Aleteia on social media
  • Each month, we publish 2,450 articles and around 40 videos
  • We have 60 full time staff and approximately 400 collaborators (writers, translators, photographers, etc.)

As you can imagine, these numbers represent a lot of work. We need you.

Support Aleteia with as little as $1. It only takes a minute. Thank you!

Daily prayer
And today we celebrate...




Top 10
1
Larry Peterson
This is the only officially recognized Marian apparition in the U...
2
Philip Kosloski
A scientist describes the Miracle of the Sun at Fatima
3
NIGHTBIRDE
Cerith Gardiner
Nightbirde finds inspiration in Joan of Arc
4
POPE JOHN JOHN XXIII
Philip Kosloski
Vatican II’s primary goal, according to St. John XXIII
5
Cerith Gardiner
Archbishop gives little girl a beautiful response about why God a...
6
GETAFE
Dolors Massot
Two sisters become nuns at the same time in Spain
7
FATIMA MIRACLE OF THE SUN
Philip Kosloski
Pope Pius XII witnessed the Fatima “miracle of the sun” while wal...
See More