Aleteia logoAleteia logo
Aleteia
Thursday 16 September |
Saint of the Day: Sts Cornelius and Cyprian

How to achieve peak liturgical significance with your Christmas tree

Simcha Fisher - published on 01/13/16

As long as we’re talking about the definitive Catholic way to do every last tiny little thing, let’s talk about Christmas trees, shall we? I’m just about ready to throw ours out the window, but before I do, I thought I’d share how we achieve Peak Liturgical Significance with our tree.

We used to go into the wilds and cut down our own tree, but now we’ve discovered that there is a gas station down the road that sells trees for $25. Since parents are the first educators of children, it is encumbent on us to stand back smirking while our kids do the heavy lifting and stuff the tree into our van.

tree into van

Remember to recall to them that Jesus hefted the harsh and prickly wood of the cross without complaint, and they need to be a lot more edified about this minor lifting job if they expect Santa to bring them anything halfway decent this year.

While the tree is still out on the porch, we perform a heavily symbolic ritual of Throwing Out This Year’s Armchair because we have a Really Small Living Room. This can be viewed as an inverted prefiguring of the Enthronement of the Sacred Heart, because the old chair signifies all the poor choices we’ve made over the past year, and getting rid of it demonstrates that we are now ready to make room in our hearts for the Christ Child, and also ready to have the room smell less like pee

tree old chair

The tree should fit well into the van, but not too well

tree sticking out of van

signifying that we are in the world but not of the world. You can evangelize all the way home this way, and hope that crabby traffic cop is on his lunch break, because you are one ticket away from having your license suspended.

When you get home, find some clippers and remove the top of the tree, because your ceilings are even lower than you remembered. The youngest mobile child in the house can then use the removed tree top to anoint the other children in the house, chanting either “Asperges me, Domine, hyssopo, et mundabor” or “I’m Dark Vader, I’m your fadder!” whichever seems appropriate.

tree benny poking lucy

The other children in the house can engage in a sweet ritual echoing the choirs of angels who sang of the glories of God. If there is no snow on the ground to make snow angels in, you can just make angels in the stuffing that came out of the chair when you were dragging it outside.

tree fluff snowman

All that remains now is to set up the tree and top it with something appropriate, like . . .

tree tom servo

I don’t know, a Tom Servo doll made out of toilet paper tubes and macaroni. This signifies that everyone knows Joel was better than Mike. Nothing against Mike, but come on.

Then you can just sit back and wallow around in your domestic churchiness for a couple of weeks until you notice that there are more needles on the floor than there are on the tree. This is how you know that, no matter what the liturgical calendar says, Christmas is over. Throw the tree out the window and start looking for a new horrible old armchair that someone put on the curb for you.

Amen.

Support Aleteia!

If you’re reading this article, it’s thanks to the generosity of people like you, who have made Aleteia possible.

Here are some numbers:

  • 20 million users around the world read Aleteia.org every month
  • Aleteia is published every day in seven languages: English, French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Slovenian
  • Each month, readers view more than 50 million pages
  • Nearly 4 million people follow Aleteia on social media
  • Each month, we publish 2,450 articles and around 40 videos
  • We have 60 full time staff and approximately 400 collaborators (writers, translators, photographers, etc.)

As you can imagine, these numbers represent a lot of work. We need you.

Support Aleteia with as little as $1. It only takes a minute. Thank you!

Daily prayer
And today we celebrate...




Top 10
1
CELEBRITIES
Cerith Gardiner
Our favorite stories of celebrities who inspire us in daily life
2
communion
Philip Kosloski
How receiving Holy Communion can drive away demons
3
As irmãs biológicas que se tornaram freiras no instituto Iesu Communio
Francisco Veneto
The 5 biological sisters who joined the religious life in just tw...
4
Berthe and Marcel
Lauriane Vofo Kana
This couple has the longest marriage in France
5
Mychal Judge
John Burger
The priests of 9/11
6
CROSS
Philip Kosloski
Why is the feast of the Holy Cross celebrated on September 14?
7
SAINT ANTHONY OF PADUA
Philip Kosloski
This prayer to St. Anthony is said to have “never been known to f...
See More