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Wednesday 29 June |
The Solemnity of Saints Peter and Paul
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The Lonelyheart Idea Club

Simcha Fisher - published on 06/23/14

“Better luck than never.” That’s what Irene (5) says. Almost sounds like it means something, doesn’t it?

I have this sensation allll the time when I’m scrolling through the news. You hear something, and it strikes such a chord. What chord? Not sure! But if you figure it out, then man, have you got something. Here are a few chord-strikers that I’ve been saving up, hoping to match them with the other half of a metaphor which is yet to arrive.

There ought to be some kind of idea dating site, where you post your half ideas, hoping for a marriage to complement and complete you. You don’t want them to be single forever; but you don’t want to just settle, right? Or, maybe if you had enough skill and good will, you could make a bad match work?

Anyway, here are some of my lonelyheart ideas, looking for a mate:

Generations after the Iron Curtain fell, Czech red deer still avoid — and teach their children to avoid — the spot where an electric border fence used to be.

PIC deer

American student requires 20 firefighters to free him from giant German vagina.

PIC giant German vagina

The older trees get, the faster they grow.

PIC giant tree

And finally:

One of the last extant examples of synagogue wall folk art was discovered, dusty and ignored, on the back wall of what had become a carpet warehouse in Vermont. When the property was sold to a developer, no one had the funds to move the mural — so they persuaded the owner to wall it up, so at least it would be preserved. Tenants had no idea their building held a secret wall festooned with lions, banners, golden rays and a crown surrounding the Ten Commandments.  It waited in the dark for 25 years, and now it is being restored.

PIC restored mural

Well, write ‘em if you got ‘em. Better luck than never.

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