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Monday 20 September |
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To war!

Simcha Fisher - published on 03/16/11

Thursday morning, I will have a post up at the Register about a new NFP charting app for iPhone/iPad.  (UPDATE:  the post is here.)  It’s a fairly straightforward and innocuous piece — just a review with a few lines of comment from the developer.  Doesn’t get into theology at all, or discuss sex or anything.

BUT, it’s about NFP.  I’ve been around that mulberry bush a couple of times, and I know that no good can come of this.  Or, rather, some good can come of it, only to be derailed by a handful of lunatics who see the letters N, F, and P, and instantly ride forth into war

with one of the following cries:

(a) NFP is from the debbil!  It’s nothing but Catholic birth control, a demonic liberal tool to chase married couples straight into the mouth of Hell!(b) Welll, maybe it’s not of the devil per se, but I know for a fact that 90% of my friends who use NFP are abusing it, and have a contraceptive mentality.(c) If the devil weren’t an artificial construct of the patriarchy, NFP would be from the devil!  It’s nothing but church-sanctioned slavery, an abusive conservative tool to turn women into baby factories!(d) Ew, you said “cervix.”(e) What a shame it is that these young whippersnappers take the mystery out of everything.  The whole world is becoming nothing more than a collection of bits and bytes on a screen.  There’s nothing Catholic about technology, and it needs to stay that way.(f)  Shut up, Jew.(g)  We tried NFP for two weeks and had a baby anyway, so I’m suing Dr. Billings and my husband is getting castrated.  Catholics are so lame!

Am I missing anything?  Which class of comment do you think is going to get the most traction?  Am I a big jerk, or what?  Maybe no one will care, and I’ll get three comments, and then I’ll have to pretend I’m glad.

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