You want to find your soul mate? Here are a few tips that might help …
1Develop your friendships without ideas in the back of your head.
Check your selfishness. Have you ever said “Yes, yes, I’d love to come to your party” while thinking, “Unless I find something more interesting to do”? Here’s another example: Irwin confides all his troubles, especially those of his heart, to Emmy, who can’t resist being touched by this and gradually begins to fall in love with him. That is, until the day he suddenly announces that he’s engaged to Marion. Irwin has no idea why Emmy feels hurt and does not come to his wedding.
2Work on developing your inner world.
Stop escaping into your work and constantly partying. To take a hard look at your life, learn how to spend time by yourself in your apartment (at least once a week) without calling up people or going on Facebook.
Other singletons need to heed the opposite advice: get yourself out there, stop visiting your parents every weekend, and stop making up excuses to explain why you are still alone and avoid other people.
3Stop escaping into spirituality.
It can be easy for a spiritual person to say, “I am busy with the Lord, so He is busy with finding me a husband (or a wife).” What if you lost your job, what would you do then? You would be busy looking for another one. Surrendering to the Providence is not tantamount to surrendering of one’s responsibilities. “If you can do it, do it. What you cannot do, you entrust to the mercy of the Lord,” says the 1st-century Christian text, the Didache.
4Stop painting the portrait of your ideal spouse based on the combination of traits your best friends and close relatives.
The brains of the first, the looks of the second, and the spirituality of the third … You must accept that the a mate won’t be perfect. Stop idealizing married life when visiting other couples. We have been created for taking risks, not for leading a sheltered life.
5Take time to review your past relationships.
If you are still single at the age 35-40, there must be a reason. This doesn’t mean you should feel guilty. But reducing this issue to everyone else around you isn’t fair either.
If you have known failure in the past, if you feel that you’re still blaming the other person for it, there is a temptation to avoid repeating painful experiences. The only attitude that will actually free you is to allow the grieving process to take place and to forgive. This cannot be done overnight or without the help from the Lord.
6Along with the fear of getting hurt, the fear of being inconvenienced by something new also can also paralyze.
Take a risk of moving out of your comfort zones and treat yourself to new set of friends and social relations – these are the small changes that will prepare you for bigger ones (marriage).
Finally, the goal of your life is not marriage, as wonderful as it might sound, but the union with Christ. This means to love and be loved. Turn to the Father who will love and console you. And through the superabundance of this love, surrender yourself to Him. A day without seeing a friend is a shame; a day without loving in the name of Jesus is a real waste. John of the Cross wrote, “In the evening of our life, we shall be judged on love alone.” And who can tell when this evening shall arrive?
Father Pascal Ide
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