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Your wife wants to do everything together? Try saying “no”

Man - Couple - Shopping - Bags - Bored

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Edifa - published on 10/25/19

It's a genuine desire that men don’t always share...How can you explain this to your wife and still avoid a fight?

Many women complain that their husbands do not feel the need to share more of their life with them. “I feel that my husband is a married bachelor! I know that he loves me, but I would really like us to do more things together: have fun together, pray together and go shopping together. I miss him when he is not around.” When this happens, the man begins to fear that he is being stifled and refuses to be “stuck” in an alienating union and the woman begins to wonder whether he truly loves her.

Is doing everything together impossible?

In his book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,” author John Gray provides us with a simple (some would say simplistic) explanation: The way men and women see a relationship is initially radically different. From time to time, a man feels the need to withdraw to his “cave” the author tells us. As people used to say in the past, men compartmentalize – when they’re at work, fishing, or at a meeting they forget their wives, who seek a closer bond and desire their presence. As for women in general, they crave the constant presence of the person they love and cherish. Men would gladly say that a couple needs to take breathers – with good times spent in each other’s company and the time spent away from each other.

But, maybe we should look for the answers elsewhere? The problem of a couple does not so much consist of “doing everything together,” but in “doing everything depending on the other.” Doing everything together is impossible, especially today, when professional and associative activities do not allow us to be constantly by each other’s side. Love birds who are embarking on their life together and declaring that “We will never leave each other’s side” should realize that life draws us apart as much as it brings us together. Yet a wonderful union to which all the loving couples aspire is possible, as long as each of us is thinking of the other.

Together, besides the times spend apart

Hence, in his professional or charity activities, the man should never forget that he is married. “What advice would my wife give me in this or that situation?” he should ask. He should abstain from acting in his own name only: he should do it for the both of them. Similarly, when a woman goes to Mass during weekdays, she should not lose her time regretting that her husband is not by her side. She should remember him in the prayers that she will say to God.

This kind of spiritual union can transcend the times spent apart. Still moments of intensive communication are necessary inside the couple. They allow for reciprocal harmony in beliefs, ideas, expectations and aspirations, in joys, and in pain.

Does our relationship with God not resemble that of a married couple in many ways? It may not be as intense, and yet despite His silences, it is as rich and as profound.

Father Denis Sonet

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