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Here’s a way to forgive others and let go of your pain

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Having trouble forgiving someone who deeply hurt you? Here’s something you can do to make the first step toward reconciliation.

Some incidents remain deeply engraved in our memories. We have been hurt and can’t stop thinking about it. But as unfair as our experiences have been, they can become transformative if we draw something positive out of them. By dwelling on them, we obstruct God’s will, become their prisoner, and can’t move on. How can we rid ourselves of these resentments that are weighing us down? 

Letters to rediscover the joy of love

Some therapists propose that their patients write a letter in which they can let off steam and vent their anger. This letter could be addressed to parents, partners, or even bosses — in short, to anyone who has hurt us. You, too, can try doing this, but this letter is not meant to be sent. It is there to express the contradictory sentiments that fill you. Day after day, you can add to your letter, until you begin to feel better.  

You can read the letter to a friend you trust. Then, write a second letter — this one speaking of love. It must be positive. You can express your appreciation for everything this same person has given you. Think back to any good times, try to understand this person until you begin to feel some compassion. Add something to this letter every day until you feel at peace and filled with the mercy of God. 

These two steps are often needed so the past won’t weigh us down and we can learn how to make sense of things. We can come out stronger, more loving, and more positive!

Yves Boulvin (life coach, therapist and counselor)

 

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