Aleteia logoAleteia logo
Aleteia
Monday 18 January |
Saint of the Day: Bl. Maria Teresa Fasce
home iconLifestyle
line break icon

The choice of a spouse: Should parents have a say?

MOTHER,DAUGHTER,FIGHT

Shutterstock

Edifa - published on 06/04/20

Be careful how you express your approval for your child's choice of a mate -- there are ways to be both honest and supportive.

Some parents fear their children will make the mistake of a lifetime by marrying the wrong person. Married life isn’t easy, especially if the chances of success are slim. So, what to do? No one wants to see their own child heading for failure.

When outright rejection only makes the hearts grow fonder

Unless your child is too young to get married, an outright rejection of a future son or daughter-in-law is not advisable. If your child is particularly compliant, he or she may go along with your wishes and later regret this decision for the rest of their life. Most often, the outright rejection by the parents only makes the heart grow fonder. The more the parents point out the shortcomings of the beloved, the more the children tend to justify them. The greatest love stories to ever have been written are about star-crossed lovers: Romeo and Juliette, Tristan and Isolde, Abelard and Heloise. So, don’t dig in your heels and oppose your child’s choice of spouse head on.

Nor should you become over-enthusiastic and pushy in the other way. The danger there is that should the couple get in trouble and separate at some future time, you may be get the blame.

Seeking the middle ground

It’s preferable to seek the middle ground: “We think that this person may get you in trouble. But it’s your choice and we respect it. You are intelligent enough to see if we are right. We will gladly recognize our mistake if we have been wrong. We won’t oppose your decision, but we believe you should consider our reservations and not be guided by blind love alone.”

A respectful invitation to reflect is perhaps not always effective, but at least it provides parents a clear conscience of having done what they can to warn their child.

Marie-Noël Florant


MAN,HUSBAND,FLOWERS

Read more:
What to do when your mother and husband don’t get along




Read more:
7 Signs of a toxic dating relationship… and why you need to end it

Tags:
MarriageParenting
Support Aleteia!

If you’re reading this article, it’s thanks to the generosity of people like you, who have made Aleteia possible.

Here are some numbers:

  • 20 million users around the world read Aleteia.org every month
  • Aleteia is published every day in eight languages: English, French, Arabic, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Slovenian
  • Each month, readers view more than 50 million pages
  • Nearly 4 million people follow Aleteia on social media
  • Each month, we publish 2,450 articles and around 40 videos
  • We have 60 full time staff and approximately 400 collaborators (writers, translators, photographers, etc.)

As you can imagine, these numbers represent a lot of work. We need you.

Support Aleteia with as little as $1. It only takes a minute. Thank you!

Daily prayer
And today we celebrate...




Top 10
DAD, HOW DO I?
Cerith Gardiner
Meet the dad who's teaching basic skills on Y...
LUXOR FILM FESTIVAL
Zoe Romanowsky
20-year-old filmmaker wins award for powerful...
DAD, HOW DO I?
Cerith Gardiner
Meet the dad who's teaching basic skills on Y...
SAINT RITA CASCIA
Bret Thoman, OFS
Traces of miracles remain at the birthplace o...
Fr. Patrick Briscoe, OP
Reasons Catholics should read the Bible
POPE JOHN PAUL II
Philip Kosloski
St. John Paul II's formula for defeating evil...
Philip Kosloski
What is the Holy Cloak of St. Joseph?
See More