Aleteia logoAleteia logo
Aleteia
Tuesday 27 July |
Saint of the Day: St. Simeon Sylites
home iconLifestyle
line break icon

Single and afraid to commit?

ENGAGEMENT RING

Jeremy Bishop I Unsplash

Edifa - published on 11/30/20

The idea of spending your entire life with the same person is scary. Here's how to overcome this fear.

Is there anyone who has never been afraid at least once in their life? Fear is an emotion, but also a survival mechanism that originates as far back as time, when our ancestors had to protect themselves from predators. Within the realm of relationships, we should look at what we feel are threats and how we are configuring these “predators.”And, in particular, let us examine those fears in relation to, for example, commitment.

What if I’m not the right person?

John has come in for a consultation because he can’t make up his mind about asking Sophie to marry him. He would like to, but he is afraid of making a mistake. What if she is not the right person? What if the relationship fails? What if he meets someone he connects with better? Will he be a good father? Will he be able to meet the needs of a family?

John fears that he cannot honor a promise for a future he does not know. All these fears crystallize and prevent him from committing. However, by living in this state of mind, he risks ending up completely alone and missing out on life … and, no doubt, sowing grief in Sophie’s heart.

Having the courage to take risks

How can a person get out of this distressing muddle? Empathetic listening from of a trusted, emotionally stable friend can help you find or regain self-confidence and the ability to make decisions and to chase away fears.

Lack of confidence often leads to a downward spiral that can block all enjoyment of life because life is inherently a succession of risks: there is no such thing as zero risk, and only those who take risks win! John has done well to realize that he had to get beyond his barriers, and his being proactive in seeking out help will certainly allow him to identify his fears, which is the first step in overcoming them. Living is about taking risks. It takes courage to make this decision. The courage to have confidence. Because this is the key word that will dominate fear. To commit is to have confidence. In oneself. In others. In God, the Master of life.

Marie-Noël Florant


IN THOUGHT

Read more:
How to make the most of single life instead of just enduring it

Tags:
Relationships
Support Aleteia!

If you’re reading this article, it’s thanks to the generosity of people like you, who have made Aleteia possible.

Here are some numbers:

  • 20 million users around the world read Aleteia.org every month
  • Aleteia is published every day in seven languages: English, French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Slovenian
  • Each month, readers view more than 50 million pages
  • Nearly 4 million people follow Aleteia on social media
  • Each month, we publish 2,450 articles and around 40 videos
  • We have 60 full time staff and approximately 400 collaborators (writers, translators, photographers, etc.)

As you can imagine, these numbers represent a lot of work. We need you.

Support Aleteia with as little as $1. It only takes a minute. Thank you!

Daily prayer
And today we celebrate...




Top 10
1
morning
Philip Kosloski
This morning prayer is easy to memorize
2
Daniel Esparza
5 Curious things you might not know about Catholicism
3
Joachim and Anne
Philip Kosloski
Did Jesus know his grandparents?
4
ORGAN
J-P Mauro
Reconstructing a 12th-century pipe organ discovered in the Holy L...
5
SAINT ANTHONY OF PADUA
Philip Kosloski
This prayer to St. Anthony is said to have “never been know...
6
BABCIA Z WNUKAMI
Cerith Gardiner
5 Ways grandparents impact our lives for the better
7
ELON MUSK HOUSING
Sarah Robsdottir
What we can learn from Elon Musk’s housing decisions
See More