Aleteia logoAleteia logo
Monday 12 April |
Saint of the Day: St. Teresa of the Andes
home iconLifestyle
line break icon

Single and afraid to commit?


Jeremy Bishop I Unsplash

Edifa - published on 11/30/20

The idea of spending your entire life with the same person is scary. Here's how to overcome this fear.

Is there anyone who has never been afraid at least once in their life? Fear is an emotion, but also a survival mechanism that originates as far back as time, when our ancestors had to protect themselves from predators. Within the realm of relationships, we should look at what we feel are threats and how we are configuring these “predators.”And, in particular, let us examine those fears in relation to, for example, commitment.

What if I’m not the right person?

John has come in for a consultation because he can’t make up his mind about asking Sophie to marry him. He would like to, but he is afraid of making a mistake. What if she is not the right person? What if the relationship fails? What if he meets someone he connects with better? Will he be a good father? Will he be able to meet the needs of a family?

John fears that he cannot honor a promise for a future he does not know. All these fears crystallize and prevent him from committing. However, by living in this state of mind, he risks ending up completely alone and missing out on life … and, no doubt, sowing grief in Sophie’s heart.

Having the courage to take risks

How can a person get out of this distressing muddle? Empathetic listening from of a trusted, emotionally stable friend can help you find or regain self-confidence and the ability to make decisions and to chase away fears.

Lack of confidence often leads to a downward spiral that can block all enjoyment of life because life is inherently a succession of risks: there is no such thing as zero risk, and only those who take risks win! John has done well to realize that he had to get beyond his barriers, and his being proactive in seeking out help will certainly allow him to identify his fears, which is the first step in overcoming them. Living is about taking risks. It takes courage to make this decision. The courage to have confidence. Because this is the key word that will dominate fear. To commit is to have confidence. In oneself. In others. In God, the Master of life.

Marie-Noël Florant


Read more:
How to make the most of single life instead of just enduring it

Support Aleteia!

If you’re reading this article, it’s thanks to the generosity of people like you, who have made Aleteia possible.

Here are some numbers:

  • 20 million users around the world read every month
  • Aleteia is published every day in seven languages: English, French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Slovenian
  • Each month, readers view more than 50 million pages
  • Nearly 4 million people follow Aleteia on social media
  • Each month, we publish 2,450 articles and around 40 videos
  • We have 60 full time staff and approximately 400 collaborators (writers, translators, photographers, etc.)

As you can imagine, these numbers represent a lot of work. We need you.

Support Aleteia with as little as $1. It only takes a minute. Thank you!

Daily prayer
And today we celebrate...

Top 10
Cerith Gardiner
11 Interesting facts about the late Prince Philip
Archbishop Georg Gänswein
I.Media for Aleteia
Gänswein: Benedict XVI expected to live only a few months after r...
Fr Robert McTeigue, SJ
A simple test to see if you really believe Christ is risen
Philip Kosloski
Why you can eat meat on Easter Friday
Here’s how to celebrate Divine Mercy Sunday at home
Sister Bhagya
Saji Thomas-ACN
Catholic nun faces conversion charges in central India
John Burger
N.Y. Cardinal: “For God’s sake, get back to Mass̶...
See More