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How I Am Living Through the 5 Stages of Grief Before My Son Is Born

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Applying Kübler-Ross to find the great light beyond the darkness

Acceptance

After dwelling in that darkness, however, I have begun to see a great light.

God loves my family and loves our baby Luke more than we ever could. His will for us is not a punishment but rather a calling to grow into a deeper relationship with him.

We go through our lives believing in life after death, the saving power of baptism, the value of redemptive suffering, the communion of saints, the anticipation of the resurrection and so many other truths of our faith. We go on believing these things, but we do so without actually living as though we believe.

Our son Luke, though he is still just 32 weeks into his development, has pulled us straight to the foot of the cross. Though he still hasn’t been born, he has prompted countless friends, family and strangers to ask God for help, even if they haven’t spoken a word to God in years. Though he will only live for the time it takes to breathe his first and final breath, he has done more to help my wife and me grow in sanctity than we have done for each other in our nearly nine years of marriage.

And so I begin to see acceptance, the only response that seems appropriate.

I accept God’s will for my family, and specifically for the baby I love more than my words can express.

While I still ask God for a miracle, still ask that he lets this cup pass, I also feel in the depth of my soul the completion of that prayer: “not as I will, but as you will.”

 

Tommy Tighe is a Catholic hipster, husband and father. You can follow him on Twitter @theghissilent.

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