Is it possible to know if you’re on the right track with your parenting?
As a mom of young children, I often wonder if I’m doing enough, or if I’m doing the right things, to help my boys grow and learn.
During then moments when I feel worried about the future, I have to step back and remember that my kids have free will, so even if I am the perfect parent, they might choose to ignore what I’ve taught them.
Even with the caveat that my best is not a surefire guarantee, I still want to make sure I am doing the best I can. I try to pay attention to the wisdom of parents who are farther along in their journey than I am, and I have gleaned much wisdom from these moms and dads. They have weathered the tumult and worry that different stages of development bring -- and they have come out the other side. Their goal, similar to my own, is not just to raise good people, but to raise good people who love and follow God.
So, what should you look for in your parenting to see if you’re on the right track? First, I have a couple of do-nots, and then a few questions for self-reflection.
Don't measure your success by what your kids think of your decisions.
Your kids have a limited scope of understanding and life experiences. They don’t know what is best for their lives. They will probably misunderstand and disagree with most of the boundaries you give them, either initially or for the duration. You, as the person responsible for their well-being and growth, know better what your children need, and have the unique position and responsibility to make loving discipline decisions for them while they are under your care.
Don’t look for affirmation from your kids.
I have been told many times that "your goal is not to be your child’s best friend or confidant." Alternatively, don’t measure your parenting success by what other people think, especially those people (family, friends, neighbors) in your life whose values don't align with yours.
Ask yourself: Are you actively helping your kid learn virtues and life skills like patience, generosity, self-control?
If you give your child what he wants right away every time he asks for it, he may not be learning patience, and may not be developing a sense of gratitude. Both gratitude and patience are key to successful relationships with others, but more importantly, without gratitude and patience, we struggle to know and communicate with God.
Ask yourself: Are you teaching your child about things that matter in both this life and eternal life?
Your parenting will be lopsided if you spend all your time teaching life skills -- like how to ride a bike, how to balance a budget, or how to tie your shoe -- and no time on how to follow Jesus and how to love your neighbor.
On the other hand, if you only spend time on catechism lessons and prayer, without teaching your child how to live in the world, your parenting will also be lacking.
Finally, ask yourself: Are you showing your child by your example how to live a good life?
If you can apologize when you fail, and then keep moving forward, your child will learn an invaluable lesson from pure absorption. Your child will also absorb how you treat people, and how you talk about those people you like and those you dislike. He or she will notice how you spend your time, and what takes precedence in your life.
If you know there are ways you could improve as a parent, now is the time to start. Don’t wait for a better time. Your child is watching and learning right now.
