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Whenever I have had parenting struggles over the years, I’ve realized that more often than not, the answer to my problem lies in habit or routine. Why is bedtime so crazy, for instance? Ah, the routine needs an adjustment — we need to push bedtimes a little later in the summer because the sun still being out makes winding down harder. Why does my family have so much resistance to tidying up? It’s because when we clean at random times throughout the day it’s an unexpected request, but when we clean at set times of the day, it is easy to do because it is a habit.
The same holds true for prayer. When we pray together as a family on some nights and not others, or only a few times a month, prayer seems like an unexpected and needy guest—demanding your time. But, when we make prayer a routine that we stick to every night, there are fewer complaints and prayer is a normal evening activity rather than an extraordinary, elusive one.
Finding your routine
Evening works best for our family because we are all together and no one has to get out of the door. Depending on your family’s schedule, however, morning might work better. Regardless of the time of day, choosing one time and sticking with it is helpful. I love hearing about what works for other people. My brother and his family pray a Rosary in the morning together first thing as everyone wakes up. My sister-in-law plays a recording of the daily Mass readings and has everyone listen during breakfast.
Growing up, we prayed the Rosary as a family at 7:30 pm every night. Or if we were traveling, we would pray together in the car. We also named one thing we were thankful for and one person we wanted to pray for, sometimes recording them in a journal to look through later over the years.
How to pray
I knew families who had a family Bible study time where they read and reflected on Scripture together, Lectio Divina style. Right now, we are trying to introduce our boys to the Liturgy of the Hours. We pray night prayer together, using this book, complete with singing and processions around the room (which keeps the attention of my seven-and=under crowd). The Little Office of the Virgin Mary is simpler and easier to follow for our beginning readers than the normal breviary with the hours in it.
A family with older children or young adults might easily have a quiet, reflective atmosphere for prayer. That is not our life right now. I dream of it someday, but for now we work with the vibrant atmosphere we have. We don’t require the littlest to sit still, just that they play quietly or look at books nearby. We include lots of singing, as everyone seems to connect with that, and it helps guide the noise in one direction.
Flexibility
Our prayer time has gone through many iterations over the years–-from praying a decade of the Rosary together to simply praying a Hail Mary together for specific people who need our prayers to the more elaborate singing and procession filled time we have now. I would love to include a simple examination of conscience in our time eventually. But that’s the beauty of prayer. Just as we grow in our ability to communicate with each other, we can grow in our ability to communicate with God. It is natural and good that our prayer should change as we change.
When we commit to prayer, and keep showing up consistently, we give God a solid opening to work on our hearts. That is one habit I definitely want to instill in my children.
