Suicide generally comes suddenly. Yes, in retrospect, analyzing the past behavior of a suicidal person we might notice warning signs -- signs that were easy to miss if we don’t know what to look for.
Awareness of warning signs might help us to save a life.
Suicidal thoughts may appear during times of crises and suffering, but sometimes also as a side effect of medication or even chronic sleeplessness. They’re always accompanied by doubt about the meaning and purpose of life and the conviction that it would be better for everyone if we disappear. Such thoughts can sporadically appear in almost anyone, but in suicidal people they’re a recurring motif that permeates their thoughts.
Truths and myths about suicide: How to recognize the danger and get help
Myth 1: Suicide comes without warning.
Fact: Suicide is rarely an act without warning. Although people in crisis may not speak directly about their intentions, they often exhibit various signals, such as prolonged sadness, neglecting their appearance, avoiding social contact, or — very characteristically — giving away valuable items and objects to which they’re emotionally attached.
Myth 2: Talking about suicide can encourage it.
Fact: Talking about suicidal thoughts can be the first step to getting help. A frank conversation shows a person in crisis that they’re not alone with their problems and that other solutions can be found. Therefore, we shouldn’t be afraid of the question, “Do you have suicidal thoughts?” Asking this question won't push someone into action, but can help them open up. If the answer is, “Yes, I want to kill myself,” you need to know what to do next.
Myth 3: Suicidal people don't want to die, they’re just being manipulative
Fact: Suicide attempts are not manipulation, but a cry for help. A person in crisis needs attention and support to go on with their life better than before.
Myth 4: Suicide cannot be prevented.
Fact: We can help to prevent suicide. The key is to recognize the danger quickly and respond appropriately. Timely help can save lives.
Myth 5: The goal of a suicide attempt is to end one's life.
Fact: Most people who make suicide attempts do not necessarily want to end their lives. They typically have ambivalent feelings, that is, a simultaneous desire to live and die. Their actions are often not clear-cut, and death is seen as one possibility rather than something inevitable. This leaves room for those around them to react and rescue them. This is why it’s crucial to develop a safety plan.
Prevention
People in crisis are rarely determined to kill themselves. Most often they experience momentary but intense impulses pushing them toward self-destruction. Some people survive a suicide attempt because they have a last-minute change of heart and manage to partially reverse the effects of their own actions.
So if we have a person near us or under our care who’s having suicidal thoughts, there are many things we can do to help them. The first thing is to encourage them to start therapy with a certified mental health professional. Both psychology and psychiatry have a lot to offer people who are suffering from suicidal thoughts.
Things we can do as friends and family
Below are more things we can do to help. It’s very important to take into account that these things do not substitute therapy, but are ways to support it.
- Talk about the fact that suicidal impulses — even if strong — will pass, so the basic strategy is to give yourself a chance to cool down.
- Remember that hiding possible weapons or tools isn’t the same as securing. It’s not enough to hide dangerous items in a closet. You need to take them out of the house for a while, or lock them in a safe, for example. Yes, it’s inconvenient, but the situation is temporary.
- Help the person plan in advance what he or she can do when bad thoughts arise. They can't just suppress them; they have to have something to do instead. This can be things such as listening to a playlist that distracts from thinking, coloring books, or watching an appropriate TV series.
It's a good idea to have a list of “rescue activities” prepared in advance, taking into account both things they can do on their own (like dancing, playing with a pet, or writing a story) and with other people (playing a board game, talking, writing with someone via instant messenger).
The list should be extensive so that there’s always something to choose from. It’s essential that it include activities that can be done on the spot, without special preparation. The list should be clear and always at hand.
- Determine whom the person in crisis can talk to at any time of the day or night. It’s important that there be a trusted person on hand. And if crises occur frequently, there can be two or even three such people on constant call.
Studies: Religious people are less likely to commit suicide
Interestingly, one factor that helps people cope with suicidal thoughts is religiosity. There’s a growing body of research showing that religion helps mental health by being a protective factor against depression and suicidal tendencies. Most noteworthy is a 2016 publication by psychologist Tyler Vander Weele, who showed that Christian women (both Catholic and Protestant) who regularly practiced their faith were the least likely to succumb to depression and especially suicidal thoughts.
However, this data should not be misinterpreted. Religion is not a cure to depression. You cannot "pray away" mental health. Mental illness is not a sign that a person isn't "holy enough" or "fervent enough." Plenty of saints have battled with mental illness, just as plenty have battled with physical illness. Illness needs to be treated by a doctor.
What the studies do show is that religion can provide is the following:
~ A more realistic view of oneself through regular self-reflection based on objective criteria,
~ prayer,
~ making sense of suffering by offering it for someone else's intention,
~ bonding with family,
~ friendships formed in communities (pastoral services), and
~ a sense of meaning and purpose in life.
Help in a suicide crisis
Immediately take your loved one to the hospital or call an ambulance if you have:
- received a clear message that a loved one intends to take their own life,
- a reasonable suspicion that they want to make a suicide attempt, e.g., you see accumulated medications, goodbye letters, giving away valuable items to which he/she were emotionally attached,
- successfully thwarted a suicide attempt, even if you suspect that they did it without the actual intention of taking their own life, but with the desire to attract attention.
If we suspect that a loved one is having suicidal thoughts, but it’s not clear, it’s better to act than to remain in doubt.
Resources:
- In the USA and Canada, 988 is a nationwide suicide and crisis lifeline.
- The Catholic Health Association of the United States
- The National Institute of Mental Health
- The American Psychiatric Association
- The research mentioned in the article: VanderWeele, T. J., Li, S., Tsai, A. C., & Kawachi, I. (2016). Association Between Religious Service Attendance and Lower Suicide Rates Among US Women. JAMA psychiatry, 73(8), 845–851. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2016.1243
