How my siblings taught me what it means to love

I have eight younger siblings. As the oldest, I am able to remember to some extent how each sibling’s entrance into the world changed our growing family for the better. “Mom’s going to the hospital! We’ll meet the new baby soon!” I remember the anticipation before a baby came into the world, and the amazing journey of watching someone take their first steps to suddenly having a new playmate and ally to encounter the world with.

As an adult, one of the reasons I'm grateful for my siblings is that they have taught me how to love. They’ve shown me this in a way that is different from my other friendships. Why is this? I think it’s because I’ve seen my brothers and sisters over the course of most of their childhood and then into adulthood.

As a sibling you know some of their struggles, their natural tendencies, and their environment. You can appreciate the good that they do in a fuller way than other friendships, partly because you have seen them at their lows over time and know what irritates them and triggers them. (Perhaps sometimes you are the trigger!) Thus, when you experience the good that they do, you know what things they overcame to do that good; you know that they are choosing to love and serve despite the struggle.

Seeing this in my brothers and sisters calls me higher. 

My three sisters have shown me how to love others with verve and beauty. I’ve learned to see the beauty in the world around me in a new way, and even just how surrounding yourself with beauty feeds your soul. I’ve seen my sister learn a new skill just to be more engaged with, and thus love better, the person in front of her.

What’s more, I’ve seen my sisters connect with people it is hard to connect with because they are willing to be creative in bridging the awkwardness — be that with laughter and good-hearted teasing or a thoughtful gift.

My five brothers have shown me above all that love requires persistence and action. One brother’s devotion to regular phone calls, be it a five-minute or 30-minute chat, made me realize how much a regular check-in can do to sustain a relationship. Another brother’s intentionality with everyone around him helped me understand just how much room I have to grow in seeing Christ in everyone I meet.

Another brother welcomed my then-new husband into the family in such beautiful ways, it opened my eyes to how to love new and potential in-laws better. Two brothers show me that just being there is what love requires. (No words necessary, just act!) They are always willing to serve in some way — be that holding a baby and engaging a toddler or quickly gathering a posse to help move something heavy.

An amazing aspect of family life is seeing the different array of personalities that can come from the same parents. I will never be able to love and relate to people in the exact same way as my brothers and sisters – I have my own unique perspective and approach to life. But, loving people with persistence and creativity is something I can always try to do better. And the dying to self that they exhibit is the key to truly loving like Christ.

Jesus, thank you for my siblings. Help me love You as they do!