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Ah, the midlife crisis -- nature’s way of reminding us that time waits for no one, and that perhaps our best days aren’t behind us, but rather, waiting for us to wake up and grab hold of them. Whether it’s a sudden desire to buy that flashy red sports car, take up Pilates, or wonder if you should have become a professional dancer instead of an accountant, this stage of life can feel disorienting.
Why does it happen? Maybe it’s the realization that we’ve lived a significant portion of our lives and the roadmap doesn’t look the way we thought it would. Sometimes it feels like there’s a gap between where we are and where we thought we’d be, which can trigger a range of emotions -- from confusion to anxiety, or even a dash of existential dread.
The good news? This can also be a time for growth and reflection. Asking the right questions can help us gain clarity and, yes, a little grace as we navigate this tricky stage. Therefore, before you pick out that new motorcycle or start googling “How to climb Everest,” here are five questions that can help you assess where you're at -- and maybe you can even have a laugh along the way.
1What was I hoping to achieve by now, and why did I want that?
It’s easy to fixate on the things we haven’t accomplished, whether it’s career goals, personal milestones, or that six-pack you swore you’d have by age 40 (who needs abs anyway, right?). But take a step back and think about why those goals were important to you. Were they really your goals, or just expectations from others? This reflection can help you discern whether you're chasing the wrong dreams -- or simply not celebrating the right ones.
Why ask this? It shifts focus from a list of “failures” to a more thoughtful understanding of what really matters to you, helping you reprioritize.
2Am I living in a way that reflects my values?
Midlife can feel like standing in front of a mirror -- both literally and figuratively. If that reflection doesn’t match who you feel you are inside, it’s worth asking if your daily life aligns with your deeper values. Whether you prioritize family, faith, personal growth, or service, are you honoring those things? Or have the busyness of life and its distractions pulled you off course?
Why ask this? It helps you realign with what gives you meaning and joy, rather than what simply fills your calendar.
3Am I chasing happiness or contentment?
There’s a difference between happiness -- those fleeting moments of joy -- and contentment, which is more about peace and satisfaction with life as it is. If you find yourself endlessly searching for the next thrill or accomplishment, you might be more focused on temporary highs than lasting fulfillment.
Why ask this? It’s a gentle reminder that life isn’t always about “what’s next” but about appreciating what’s right in front of you, even the simple, everyday blessings. You don't need a new convertible; sometimes you just need a new perspective.
4How am I investing in my relationships?
In a midlife crisis, we often think about self-development -- new hobbies, fresh challenges, or that elusive work-life balance. But what about the people around you? Spouses, children, friends, and even your community play a vital role in your well-being. Are you nurturing those connections or letting them slip by in the whirlwind of daily life?
Why ask this? Relationships often bring the deepest sense of fulfillment. And let's be honest, no matter how fancy your new toy is, it won’t console you on a rough day like a heartfelt chat with someone who knows and loves you (and can laugh at your midlife crisis with you).
5Am I being too hard on myself?
We can be our own worst critics, especially at midlife. Maybe you didn’t write that novel, or you’re not the CEO of a company, or perhaps you feel less “together” than you imagined at this stage. But it’s easy to forget all that you have accomplished, and how far you’ve come.
Why ask this? Because it’s a reminder to practice a little self-compassion. Even God rested on the seventh day, so maybe it’s time you give yourself a break, too.
In the end facing a midlife crisis doesn’t have to be a downward spiral of panic or regret. By asking the right questions, you can reflect on where you’ve been, where you’re headed, and -- most importantly -- where you are right now. Remember there are plenty of saints who came into their own much later in life -- just look at St. Augustine.
Try to embrace the changes, laugh at the uncertainties, and remember, even if you’re not where you thought you’d be, there’s still plenty of room for adventure, growth, and yes, a bit of joy along the way. And if you still find yourself in a rut, maybe just skip the sports car -- gas prices are way too high anyway!
