Children’s tantrums can be confusing for parents, often erupting without warning and leaving caregivers feeling frustrated and, let’s admit it, somewhat helpless. At the heart of these outbursts, however, lies a profound truth: children are grappling with emotions they may not fully understand. Just as adults sometimes struggle to articulate their feelings, children lack the tools to navigate their growing emotional landscapes. But parents can help their kids identify their emotions, while recognizing their own struggles in the process.
When a child has a temper tantrum, it often reflects an internal struggle. They may feel overwhelmed by frustration, sadness, or even excitement. But without the language and the self-control to adequately express these feelings, they resort to physical outbursts. For parents, this can be a reminder that their own emotional reactions may be not so different from those of their children. Just as a child may not know why he or she is upset, adults may find themselves reacting strongly to situations without fully understanding their own feelings.
Helping children deal with their emotions
To promote emotional awareness in children, parents can use practical strategies. Encouraging open dialogue about feelings is critical. Parents can model this behavior by sharing their own feelings and using simple language to describe them. Phrases like “I feel sad when I can’t find my keys” or “I feel frustrated because I have too much work to do” can help children connect their feelings to specific situations in very practical, safe, and down-to-earth ways.
Another effective approach is to teach children to identify their emotions as they happen. When a tantrum occurs, parents can gently guide their children to understand what they are feeling. Asking questions like, “Are you feeling angry, or sad?” can help them begin to articulate their feelings.
Over time, this practice encourages children to recognize and communicate their feelings instead of resorting to outbursts. Sooner than later, they will be able to say “I am angry” with the same ease they would say “I am hungry” or “I want to go to bed.”
An opportunity for spiritual growth
This process of emotional discovery can be viewed through a spiritual lens – particularly in the Catholic tradition of discernment as outlined by St. Ignatius of Loyola. Ignatius taught that understanding our feelings is a way to recognize God’s presence in our lives. Parents can encourage their children to see their emotions as a means of discovering their desires and choosing the best solution, as they discover how different emotions lead us through different paths. That is, they can learn to discern from a very early age.
This perspective allows both children and parents to see tantrums not just as challenging moments, but as opportunities for growth and deeper understanding.
Tantrums can serve as crucial emotional literacy moments for both children and parents. By fostering this kind of emotional literacy, parents can help their children articulate their feelings while reflecting on their own emotional responses. In this way, families can grow together in understanding and grace, navigating the complexities of emotions as a shared journey of discernment.
