Catholic Church vs. Catholic grandma: Who’s stricter?

The Catholic Church has been around for over 2,000 years, with a well-established set of teachings, rules, and traditions. But if you were raised Catholic, you know there’s one authority figure who might be even stricter than the Church itself … Catholic Grandma.

If we break down some key areas, we can see who truly holds the title for being the toughest.

Catholic Church: Teaches that missing Sunday Mass without a valid reason is a grave sin.

Catholic Grandma: Does not recognize any reason as valid. Fever? Offer it up. Blizzard? Jesus walked on water, you can drive in snow. Traveling? Find. A. Church.

Winner: Catholic Grandma. The Church provides provisos for those not attending Mass. Grandma demands it, no excuses.

Catholic Church: Suggests modest, respectful clothing.

Catholic Grandma: Demands your absolute Sunday best. No jeans, no sneakers, and definitely no sleeveless tops. If you even think about showing up in flip-flops, she’ll be waiting at the door with a disapproving look and a cardigan. And that shirt had better be ironed properly.

Winner: Catholic Grandma. The Vatican might set guidelines, but Grandma enforces them with unmatched intensity.

Catholic Church: Teaches that the priest is a spiritual father and should be treated with reverence.

Catholic Grandma: Treats Father like a holy celebrity. You will greet him. You will compliment his homily. And if you dare slouch in the pew while he’s talking? Expect a sharp elbow to the ribs.

Winner: Catholic Grandma. A president or king would get fewer formal greetings than your local parish priest when Grandma’s around.

Catholic Church: Encourages the use of holy water for blessings and protection.

Catholic Grandma: Uses it like Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. She will sprinkle it on you, your house, your car, your pets, your lunch, and your future spouse (whether they like it or not).

Winner: Catholic Grandma. The Church recommends it, Grandma makes sure you are drenched in grace.

Catholic Church: Encourages regular Confession, with Canon Law stating the absolute minimum of once a year for grave sins.

Catholic Grandma: Thinks once a year is maybe just for saints. You should go monthly. Weekly. Every day. She knows you have sins to confess. She’s already praying about them.

Winner: Catholic Grandma. If you haven’t been to Confession recently, expect a strong suggestion (or a direct order) from her.

Catholic Church: Encourages hospitality and sharing meals with others.

Catholic Grandma: Believes food is a sacrament of its own. You will eat three full plates before you’re allowed to leave her house. And if you refuse seconds, she’ll ask if you’re sick, depressed, or experiencing a personal crisis. And as for screens at the table, not a chance!

Winner: Catholic Grandma. While the feeding of the 5,000 was indeed impressive, Grandma’s kitchen never runs out of food, especially your favorites.

While the Catholic Church provides guidelines and teachings, Catholic Grandma enforces them with military precision and a gentle prod. With her blend of faith, discipline, and homemade cooking, she remains undefeated.

So, while the Church might guide your soul to heaven, Grandma will make sure you get there fully fed, properly dressed, and freshly confessed.

Did your Catholic Grandma have her own “rules” that went beyond Church teaching? We'd love to read your best stories in the comments section!