Aleteia logoAleteia logo
Wednesday 12 May |
Saint of the Day: St. Pancras

My relentlessly Marian yard

Simcha Fisher - published on 06/22/16

You want to know real tragedy? Real tragedy is that, not too long ago, we had a used bathtub in our possession, and we brought it to the dump. We did not save it and make one of those spectacularly awful Mary on the Half-Shell shrines for our front yard.

Happily, my parents happened to have an old washing machine drum just hanging around unappreciated. Whenever I say, “Want to hear my stupid idea?” my husband says, “Yes,” almost like he means it. This time, here’s what it won him:

mary shrine

Behold, my relentlessly Marian rock garden washer tub shrine thingy.

It . . . might need an upgrade. There are actually plenty of flowers in the back yard, and I could have found a nice spot for the statue there; but I really wanted our front yard to scream, “WARNING: HERE BE CATHOLICS.” So front yard it is. The two sad marigolds are the only flowers I happen to have; and the sticks behind, propping the statue up, I’m going to call a trellis. Please don’t argue. I’m feeling very fragile right now. Go fund me, why don’t you?

The drum has two giant rocks and a bunch of soil inside, and the statue is wedged inside a flower pot which is filled with soil; and there are more rocks holding it down, as you can see. And the, the, the trellis.

Between the overall classiness of the statue itself, the careful placement of the finest rocks, and the overall blinginess of the galvanized steel, I think I’ve achieved my first goal of grabbing eyeballs in a relentlessly Catholic way. Anyone who chooses to continue and enter our house will get exactly what they should certainly expect.

Now I need tips for how to achieve my second goal, to wit: making it look less like I hired a devout chimpanzee to put it together. What would you do? Roses? Sparklers? Dead doves?

My other issue is that this is the whitest indigenous Our Lady of Guadalupe I ever saw.

mary face

Our Lady of Duxbury, Vt, reporting for duty, as soon as she finds some sunblock.

But when I was looking at statues (I had a credit to spend), I thought, “If we’re going to have a statue of Mary in the front of our house, I want people to notice it. I want the kids to remember it. And I want to remember, ‘Am I not your mother?'” So we went for gaudily evocative, if relentlessly Caucasian.

angel face

Also, I await my trophy for not saying anything offensive to our Italian or Hispanic or French Canadian friends in regards to their lawn-decorating habits, because that would be wrong.

Am I not your blogger? Am I not?

Oh, you’re relentless! I’m sorry I asked.

Support Aleteia!

If you’re reading this article, it’s thanks to the generosity of people like you, who have made Aleteia possible.

Here are some numbers:

  • 20 million users around the world read every month
  • Aleteia is published every day in seven languages: English, French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Slovenian
  • Each month, readers view more than 50 million pages
  • Nearly 4 million people follow Aleteia on social media
  • Each month, we publish 2,450 articles and around 40 videos
  • We have 60 full time staff and approximately 400 collaborators (writers, translators, photographers, etc.)

As you can imagine, these numbers represent a lot of work. We need you.

Support Aleteia with as little as $1. It only takes a minute. Thank you!

Daily prayer
And today we celebrate...

Top 10
Eric Clapton, Luciano Pavarotti, East London Gospel Choir
J-P Mauro
Hear Clapton and Pavarotti sing a prayer to the “Holy Mothe...
Meg Hunter-Kilmer
Saints to help if Mother’s Day is hard
J-P Mauro
Philippines finishes construction of largest Marian statue in the...
Zoe Romanowsky
Moving 1-minute film about motherhood will touch your heart
Sarah Robsdottir
Dad’s priceless reaction to newborn goes viral
Philip Kosloski
3 Signs of a spiritual attack on your soul
I.Media for Aleteia
These 30 shrines will lead the Rosary Relay for end of the pandem...
See More