Where can women turn for help when they have a miscarriage?

“Could you send me any resources for moms who have miscarried? My friend is going through this, and I want to help her.” When my brother asked me this question last month, I realized that despite having experienced three miscarriages of my own, the resources I had to give were minimal and not conveniently gathered in one place. I’ve been on a hunt since then for resources that are easy to share and comprehensive.

Here is what I’ve found.

This guide with information to help before, during, and after miscarriage is from a Catholic ministry for parents who have lost children called Red Bird Ministries. It is well-laid out, easy to navigate, and covers many different aspects of navigating this particular suffering.

This page from Holy Heroes has helpful links on everything from naming your baby to parish support and specific prayers to pray. It features illustrations from the book Jellybean, A Baby’s Journey to God -- a sweet story that explains miscarriage in a way children can grasp. Its simplicity and light-filled images help parents process their grief also.

If you have a friend who has miscarried, here are a few best practices from all of the articles I’ve read, and from my own personal experience.

Sending a card or some sort of gift (flowers, food, candle, etc.) is usually most welcome. It is a way to show support while giving someone space and time to grieve in whatever way they need. Additionally, try to be a loving presence and listening ear, especially if you live nearby. That will look different for every situation, especially depending on the closeness of your relationship to the person suffering. Reaching out and saying how sad you are is a safe bet, and much more appreciated than saying nothing and ignoring the situation.

It can be hard to figure out what to say -- either in a card or in person. One rule of thumb that I read somewhere and have remembered ever since is to make sure that whatever you say to someone grieving is along the lines of “I’m sad with you.”

Telling someone not to be sad is hurtful. Realize that if you can put the phrase “Don’t be sad” in front of whatever you are going to say, then you’re not being helpful. Lines from Psalm 139 can be comforting to include in a card for someone grieving the loss of a baby. Red Bird’s guide contains many suggestions for specific things you can say, as does the “Supporting a friend” section here. 

Finally, if you have experienced a miscarriage yourself, and want to read stories, advice, and validation from other women from a Catholic perspective, type the word miscarriage into the Aleteia search engine here. Reading wisdom and encouragement from people who have experienced the same suffering as you can be tremendously helpful. Grief is isolating, so having a place to go and find affirming stories should help the loneliness you might feel.