It’s more simple than we often realize to get in touch with what’s really going on.The frantic rhythm of our daily lives can keep us from connecting with our deepest needs and true feelings. Without realizing it, we act according to the maxim that “the more I do, the less I feel,” although the reality is, “the more I do, the more I avoid connecting with what’s making me suffer.”
When we stop for a moment in silence, we begin to be overwhelmed by a flood of thoughts and feelings. That’s when questions, anxiety, and self-destructive thoughts try to take control. Often, this leads to us engaging in evasive behavior that seeks to eliminate, once again, our suffering for the short term.
Stop and think
Maybe you’re tired of looking for solutions to a situation. But, have you stopped to think what’s really happening to you, and what you feel?
Often, we stay at the level of very subjective and not very practical ideas. We get trapped in irrational thoughts, such as, “Nothing makes sense,” “I’m the worst!,” “No one understands me,” “This is all my fault …” These don’t lead to any solution, and they’re contaminated by a subjective interpretation of events based on our fears, feelings of guilt, anger, inferiority complexes, or low self-esteem.
We forget that we’re a unity of body, heart, and mind. We have the ability to decide, to feel, and to act harmoniously, finding the meaning in what is happening to us, managing our feelings, and reacting in a healthy and adaptable way.
To achieve this, here are three questions that will make it easier for you to connect with what you feel, think, and need:
1. What am I feeling?
Look at a situation that upsets you disproportionately, and write down what you feel: anger, fear, sadness, disgust, impotence, envy, anxiety, insecurity, guilt …
2. What are my thoughts?
This situation inspires thoughts that destabilize you, because they are based on a subjective interpretation of the facts. Make a list divided into three columns: what I think about myself, what I think about others involved, and what I think about the situation.
3. What do I need?
Connect with your deepest needs: your need for affection, rest, silence, communication, understanding, a listening ear, clear expectations, order …
These are simple questions, but they can change the way you look at a problem. Try a different path than before and take control of your life. The change begins with you.
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Why emotional intelligence is something you should aspire to
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How to stay calm in moments of difficulty
