As the years go by, we find that some friendships last practically forever, while others fade away without us even realizing it. In an age when social media make it materially possible—and quite easy—to stay in touch despite distances, an age-old question becomes even more relevant: why are some friendships so lasting, and others so ephemeral?
While there can be various factors involved, there are some commonalities that we can identify. For an answer, let’s turn to one of the greatest and most influential thinkers of all time: Aristotle (384/383-322 BC).
He addresses this topic In his work Nicomachean Ethics. While friendship is necessary in human life, he says, there can be different foundations for friendship, two of which—pleasure and utility—lead to merely temporary relationships.
Young people
According to Aristotle, these characteristics are frequently found in friendship between young people, and this is why such relationships are often inconstant and fleeting:
But the friendship of the young is thought to be based on the motive of pleasure: because they live at the beck and call of passion and generally pursue what is pleasurable to themselves and the object of the present moment: and as their age changes so likewise do their pleasures.
This is the reason why they form and dissolve friendships rapidly: since the friendship changes with the pleasurable object and such pleasure changes quickly.
The young are also much given up to love; this passion being, in great measure, a matter of impulse and based on pleasure: for which cause they conceive friendships and quickly drop them, changing often in the same day: but these wish for society and intimacy with their friends, since they thus attain the object of their friendship.
Seeking what is good
For Aristotle, only those who seek what is good in itself can have lasting friendships:
Rare
Aristotle recognizes that such friendships are rare:
Although this kind of friendship can be difficult to attain, we should never give up on the desire of having and being this kind of friend. Today’s world needs good people who form lasting friendships and seek what is good for others, not just seeking their own pleasure and utility.
