Having lots of small kids is chaotic, messy, and beautiful

I have a seven-and-a-half-year-old and a just-turned-four-year-old. There are almost four years between them, and they are good friends. In the 20 months or so where those two children were the only children I had, and in the four years previous when I had one child, I thought of myself as a patient person, and a loving and attentive mother (which I pretty much was).

Fast forward to this moment. I now also have a two-year-old, an almost one year old, and will give birth in six weeks to another baby. The chaos is tangible. Fortunately, the delight is tangible, too.

Do I still consider myself a patient person, and loving and attentive mother? I strive to be, but my limitations are much more obvious now. Holy moly, if you want to jump into some intense personal growth and stretching, then definitely have more kids. And have them close together!

Small children are very needy. They require help with just about everything, from eating and sleeping to getting dressed and getting in and out of any location. Part of helping them grow is teaching them to do these things for themselves, which takes time, patience, and intentionality. If you have multiple small bodies who want help right now it makes it even more challenging to dedicate time to allowing children to learn and try things themselves.

Physically, raising a posse of small children takes some strength and stamina as well. The upside to that is that it is impossible to lead a sedentary lifestyle — you can pretty much get your cardio and steps in without ever setting foot in a gym. In general, the self-discipline required in this adventure is immense. It requires all of me all the time, and when I chicken out for a bit or grow lazy it shows almost immediately.

In addition to being very needy, small children are also delightful. Watching my child encounter the world around him, with intense curiosity and awe, has transformed my heart in many ways. I think back to the stage that all of my children have gone through when they approach every person they see with a wave, a smile and an ecstatic “Hi!” Their obvious joy at seeing another human being usually triggers an equally joyful response from the person they see. I ask myself: How can I encounter others with that level of welcome and acceptance?

On top of watching my child interact with the world, watching each learn to grow and love with a sibling is even more incredible. My four-year-old and two-year-old butt heads constantly. They want the same toy; they scream, and they lash out. Wait just a few minutes, though, and they are making cozy sleeping nests while pretending to camp out together under the stars — best friends who would defend each other to the death.

My husband can’t get over the joy that kids have for life. Their excitement for anything and everything lights a fire in him, and he gets to experience that same joy with them. I also love watching their different personalities come to light and figuring out what specific tools can help each thrive. The moments of pure joy and delight do outnumber the moments of insanity — most days.

In the coming years, when I have multiple adolescents in the house, I’m sure the challenges and delights will be present still, but different. Who knows what growing and stretching I will have to do then? However, I do know the beauty of having siblings on the other side, as an adult. I want that experience for my own children — to have the love and support of people who have lived side by side with them, know them intimately, and want them to succeed.

Family life is messy. I will fail to be the mother each of my children needs many times. I will undoubtedly hurt my children, and they will hurt each other too, sometimes very deeply. The power of grace and the beauty of forgiveness is real, though. Jesus wants our healing and wholeness more than we want it. So, Jesus, I trust in You. Thank you for the gifts of these precious, delightful, yet wild and needy tiny people. I entrust our family to You.