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If you're planning on tying the knot in the near future, there are some key expectations in life that you need to address before saying "I do." From discussing how you'd like to educate your kids, to who is going to take out the garbage, you'll certainly see how compatible you are, and if your marriage can stand life's ups and downs.
Therefore, if you look below you'll see a list of conversations to have before making that lifetime commitment. These are no doubt topics you'll cover in marriage prep, but it's important to remember that these chats should be ongoing as your marriage and circumstances evolve.
And don't forget, while discussing serious topics, it’s okay to laugh along the way. After all, marriage is a lifetime of teamwork, faith, and a lot of humor!
1Faith and Spiritual Life
Conversation starter:
“So, how early do you want to wake up for Sunday Mass? And are we going for coffee afterwards?”
This is a conversation about how your faith plays a role in your life as a couple. You might discuss how involved you both want to be in your parish, how to encourage each other spiritually, and how you’ll integrate prayer into your daily lives.
2Children and Family Size
Conversation starter:
“So, are we thinking football team-sized family, or more of a ‘let’s start with a plant’ vibe?”
Catholics should be open to life, but it’s important to talk about what "open" means to each of you. Discuss how many children you envision having, adoption possibilities, what you would like to do in the event of fertility issues, and how you’ll navigate raising them in the faith.
3Money and Finances
Conversation starter:
“Would you rather budget for a 10-year anniversary trip to the Vatican or... a really nice pizza delivery?”
Money is one of the leading causes of stress in marriage. Talk about budgeting, saving, tithing, and financial goals. Are you spenders, savers, or somewhere in between? Discuss how you'll handle joint or separate bank accounts. This might be an area where you need to compromise, and to be happy with what that entails.
4Handling Conflict
Conversation starter:
“When we argue, are we the silent-treatment type, or the ‘loud and dramatic with hand gestures’ type?”
Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it matters. Talk about your conflict styles and what you’ve learned about healthy ways to resolve disagreements — without trying to imitate reality TV drama.
5Roles and Responsibilities
Conversation starter:
“So, if I cook, will you do the dishes? Or should we just stare at the dirty plates until one of us breaks down?”
This conversation is about who handles what around the house. From laundry to lawn care, it’s best to set expectations early. Division of labor, big or small, can be a source of stress if left unclear.
You can also talk about the fact that there will be times in your marriage -- such as when work is full on, or the kids are demanding -- where one spouse will have to pick up the slack. Talk about how you envision handling these times, and if there is anything you can put in place to avoid unnecessary strains.
6Intimacy and Affection
Conversation starter:
“On a scale from ‘I need a hug every hour’ to ‘I love you, now please go away,’ where do you fall?”
Physical and emotional intimacy is crucial for a happy marriage. It's important to discuss how you express love and affection, as well as your expectations for physical closeness and communication styles.
7Extended Family Boundaries
Conversation starter:
“So, how many times a week do you think is acceptable to hear from your mom? Asking for my sanity…”
Families are wonderful, but boundaries are key. Discuss how involved your in-laws will be in your marriage, how to handle family holidays, and how to support each other when navigating tricky family dynamics.
While you need to focus on prioritizing your marriage, perhaps you'll have times when you need to support an elderly parent. Discuss what you feel you want -- and need -- to give to your family members.
8Work-Life Balance and Careers
Conversation starter:
“What’s your dream job? And does it involve us having to move to a remote island?”
Balancing career ambitions with family life can be tricky. Talk about your professional goals and how you’ll support each other through career changes, relocations, and the stress that comes with it. Be clear about how you’ll prioritize work and home life.
9Traditions, Holidays, and Sacraments
Conversation starter:
“Do we celebrate Christmas Eve or Christmas morning with the in-laws? Or should we just draw straws?”
Discuss how you’ll celebrate religious and family traditions. Christmas, Easter, and other holy days often come with their own family expectations. Also, talk about how you’ll approach the sacraments, like Reconciliation, and special milestones such as baptisms and first communions for your future children.
10Big Life Decisions
Conversation starter:
“Are we ‘spontaneous road trip’ people, or ‘plan-it-six-months-in-advance-with-an-itinerary’ people?”
This covers the big decisions, like where you want to live, whether you plan to stay close to family, and your long-term goals as a couple. What does your dream life look like in five, 10, or 20 years?
You should also talk about how you'd like to deal with serious illness and death itself. Would you like to be buried together? Or if you are on life support for an extended time, what would you like your spouse to do if a decision needs to be made?
