As a father of four daughters, I have worries. I can’t help but notice the world is a harsh place and that, even if women have proved they’re made of stern stuff and I know my daughters can overcome any obstacles, I suppose I have the anxiety any father might have for his young girls. I want them to have the chance to come into their own in a world that appreciates and treats them well. That can’t always be the case, though, so I pray they find their vocations and don’t suffer too many setbacks and heartaches in the process.
I don’t think it’s healthy to envision worst-case scenarios. No one benefits from an attitude of constant fear. It makes me wonder what we should do with stories such as that of St. Agnes, which is essentially a worst-case example. Each year on her feast day, we’re reminded how depraved sin really is. For those raising their children in a carefully curated Catholic culture, the danger of the outside world can be easy to forget.
I don’t want the stories of little girls who suffered for their faith to cause me to become overly protective of my daughters, but I also know we need to be aware of the fact that, outside the door of our home, there is real danger that cannot be ignored. The goal, though, isn’t to permanently shield our children from those dangers but, rather, to equip them to face those dangers with confidence.
What St. Agnes teaches us
The name Agnes means Lamb, which conveys a sense of innocence and purity. I’ve always loved the name and have written before about how the life of St. Agnes reveals that even young children are engaged in seriously important matters. I cannot (and should not) arbitrarily limit my daughters. They will accomplish great things, and they’ll accomplish those things precisely because of their feminine gifts, not in spite of them.
The world doesn’t only belong to adults and world-weary men. We would do well to pay attention to little girls like St. Agnes as well.
What is often overlooked was how young St. Agnes was when she died. She was probably around 12 years old when a Roman nobleman tried to pressure her into marriage, an arrangement to which she declined to consent. The details of the story are hazy, but it seems she had two reasons for rejecting the match. First, she didn’t want to marry a non-Christian, especially a much older man. Second, she was considering not marrying at all and dedicating herself to God as a celibate.
As a result of spurning the pagan suitor, she was turned over to the Roman authorities to be punished. After unsuccessfully attempting to destroy her purity in what can only be read as a truly horrific set of events, they finally put her to death.
Perhaps the Romans thought they’d won.
A sense of destiny
In fact, St. Agnes died victorious. To the very end, she was unconquered and free. Even as a young girl, she made her own decisions and no amount of bullying and violence from older men or a corrupt government could take her purity or freedom away from her.
Even as a young girl, her faith was mature and her virtue heroic. In The Golden Legend, written by Jacobus de Voragine, she is reputed to have said;
“Know thou that I am prevented and am loved of another Lover, Which hath given to me many better jewels, Which hath fianced me by His faith, and is much more noble of lineage than thou art… I will have none other spouse but [Christ], I will seek none other. In no manner may I leave Him, with Him am I firm and fastened in love…”
Clearly, she has a strong sense of her destiny and a determination to achieve it. The quality of her faith is inspiring. She continues with a truly beautiful explanation of her celibate vocation:
“I am now embraced of Him of Whom the mother is a virgin, and His father knew never woman, to Whom the angels serve. The sun and the moon marvel them of His beauty, Whose works never fail, Whose riches never minish, by Whose odour dead men rise again to life, by Whose touching the sick men be comforted, Whose love is chastity.
To Him I have given my faith, to Him I have commanded my heart; when I love Him then am I chaste, and when I touch Him then am I pure and clean, and when I take Him then am I a virgin. This is the love of my God.”
Maybe we don’t need to worry so much about these little girls!
Strength in innocence
St. Agnes displays spiritual maturity beyond belief, her wisdom arising from her innocence and purity. The temptation of a father like me is to worry that my daughters aren’t world-wise enough, that men are too aggressive, and motherhood and feminine qualities aren’t valued. Because of this, I worry, my daughters won’t be able to prosper and be happy.
In fact, my daughters are already strong, and even if in some ways they’re vulnerable, that very vulnerability is the source of their strength. Innocence leads to vulnerability, which in turns leads to insightful wisdom. With St. Agnes, this is precisely the case. Her innocence leads to her triumph.
This little girl, an innocent lamb, has overcome the world.
